90 Days to Wholeness: A Porn Addiction Recovery Devotional for WomenSample

Yesterday, Jennifer shared about her experiences with bad accountability­–the kind of partnership that not only doesn’t work, but also is counterproductive to your recovery. Today, we’re going to talk about good accountability: what you should be looking for in an accountability partner.

Let’s look at some things that Jennifer had to learn the hard way about accountability partners:

• She picked someone she didn’t know very well. While you can certainly have accountability partners who are new in your life, accountability requires emotional intimacy. It is about your heart, not just your behavior. Her partner didn't know when she was lying or hiding, and if she did, she didn't engage with Jennifer frequently enough to create intimacy.
• She didn't rub shoulders with her accountability partner often. She should have picked someone who she could reach out to daily or several times a week—even if it is via text, Zoom, or FaceTime. The lack of intention helped her hide and avoid accountability even more.
• She only had one accountability partner. One is not enough. We need to extend grace sometimes because one person may not be able to be everything you need them to be at all times. That's why it's a great idea to have multiple partners from different levels of recovery to different walks of life. A triad of accountability is preferred! 
• She didn’t establish a communication plan or lay out expectations for the relationship. No communication of a plan or expectations sets you both up for failure. And when you're talking about your recovery, you don't want to fail before you start.

Again, your accountability partner should be someone of your same gender. If married, your spouse is not a recommended partner. Preferably (but not required) your partner should be someone who has a history of sexual addiction. Much like an AA sponsor, it helps to receive accountability from someone who has experienced what you have experienced and who is walking in a recovery process or her own.

Only you know what you need from your accountability partner(s). When establishing a communication plan and outlining expectations, what are your absolutes? What do you need your accountability partner(s) to do to ensure you stay on track?