SAFEGUARD #8
THINKING & SPEAKING LIFE

This safeguard is one of the most practical, simple, and yet often the most difficult to do in marriage. The Bible says that just as a small rudder directs a massive ship, so our tongue or words direct our life. It’s the same with our marriage. This is because our thoughts and words, no matter how small they may seem, will set the course of our relationships toward life or death. Our thoughts impact our emotions, and our words flow or overflow from our thoughts and feelings. If it feels like you’re constantly speaking poorly to your spouse, that’s usually because you’re agitated or on edge emotionally with each other; you can follow that trail of emotions back to the thoughts you’ve been thinking about your spouse.

On the one hand, this is frustrating because of the high levels of personal ownership and responsibility this puts on you and me. But, the good news also is that this means it’s easy to fix. If the words I’m saying are not good, then I can simply begin to change my thoughts. The Bible gives us a clear word picture of the reality and power of our words.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21(NIV)

It’s critical to learn to truly see our words as injecting life or poison into our life, relationships, and marriage. We eat what we say. Our lives produce the same fruit as the seeds we’re planting. So, likewise, the kind of words we use with our spouse will be the fruit we see in their life. So, how are your words doing? Do you like the fruit of them? What do you need to shift? How can you begin to speak life over your spouse?

Complaining Vs. Complimenting

Say what you want to see! This is a simple but massive key in our marriage. Instead of regurgitating what you see in your spouse that frustrates you, be intentional to speak about the good you see in them and say what you want to see, even if you don’t quite see it yet. In marriage, we have the great vantage point of seeing areas where our spouse needs to change or adjust. If we each stay open to input, this is an excellent way that God will cause us to grow. But, when it becomes an over focus on each other's flaws and complaining to them or about them, that’s when you’ll be hitting your head against the wall. You may be able to get your spouse to stop something by complaining enough, but you won’t be able to get them to start something new other than with encouragement.

We can’t force growth, but we can encourage it. A key to helping this growth is to focus on complimenting and encouraging rather than complaining. Of course, every healthy marriage will require calling out blind spots and areas of weakness that need to be addressed. But a healthy marriage majors way more on calling out the good!

What you focus on expands!