Fight Your Battles The Way You Fight Your Battles

A major obstacle to healthy relationships for many of us who grew up in dysfunctional families is the struggle to know who we really are. Many of us had to act like someone other than ourselves as children to appease or please a parent. As a result, as adults we continue to try to be who we think people around us want us to be. We do not have a clear sense of who we are, and if we did, we most certainly do not feel safe to be ourselves.

The biblical character, King David, on the other hand, is an extraordinary example of someone who knew who he was and had the courage to be himself regardless of the situation. When young David steps up to take on the giant Goliath, King Saul puts his own armor on David, armor that’s much too big. In this moment, it would’ve been easy to see how David might’ve thought, “Well, it’s too big, but I guess this is how everyone fights their battles? Plus, these guys sure have been doing this a lot longer than I have, so even if it doesn’t fit, I’m going to look ridiculous going out to fight Goliath without it!”

However, David has a clear sense of who he is. Therefore, he’s able to communicate with confidence, that this armor isn’t “him,” that it doesn’t fit him. It doesn’t fit him literally in size, or figuratively, in how he best fights his battles. David doesn’t cave to a pressure to present as someone he isn’t. He doesn’t fight with a sword and a shield. David fights with a sling and a stone.

The truth is, to have kept this armor on would’ve led to his defeat. It would’ve led to his defeat because the armor wasn’t only too big, it was also unfamiliar to him. To put on the armor simply to satisfy the others would’ve been to his detriment, to the detriment of others, and ultimately to his defeat.

It would’ve been his downfall because there was a literal (and figurative) distance between him and his armor. There was a distance between who others thought he should be and who he really was. And because he could take that armor off and remove that distance, he was able to be himself. He was able to fight battles the way that he fights battles, and ultimately defeats Goliath. Not because he conformed to other's ideas of who he should be, but because he knew his true self. [1]

Until we’re able to be our true self, even in the face of disapproval, opposition, and misunderstanding, it’s going to be very difficult for us to have healthy relationships or to find contentment in ourselves. We’ll always be focused on who we aren’t or what we aren’t rather than being able to embrace who we are and the unique strengths that gives us.

[1] Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day: A 40-Day Journey with the Daily Office (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2018), 41.