Generational Baggage

A major part of my story is the impact of my father’s alcohol use disorder. It drove brokenness in every relationship in our family and ultimately ended my parents’ marriage. For me, it would take becoming a husband, having children, and years of processing to fully grasp the dysfunction’s repercussions.

When we look to the Bible, we see story after story of dysfunctional relationships. Father Abraham is no exception. Almost as soon as we meet him, we learn he’s told a ruler that his wife was his sister to save his own hide. He does this not once, but twice. In Genesis 12, Abraham asks Sarah to tell Pharoah’s men that she is his sister for his own protection. He’s prioritizing his own security at the cost of subjecting her to sexual mistreatment. But God comes through as the “husband” Abraham wouldn’t be and rescues her from this sexual abuse by inflicting Pharoah and his household with disease.

On another occasion, in Genesis 20, Abraham asks her to do the same with King Abimelech. It’s no wonder then, that Abraham’s son Isaac developed the assumption that this must be “normal” given his father did it twice.

In Genesis 26, a famine drives Isaac into the land of the Philistines and their king, Abimelech. Fearing for his life, he too claims his wife is his sister. This time Abimelech discovers the lie when he catches Isaac caressing his wife.

By the third generation, Jacob’s family history is full of fathers who lied to save their own skin. As best we know, Jacob never told any pharaohs or kings that his wife was his sister, but he was absolutely given to the use of deception to sway outcomes in his direction.

He swindled his brother out of his birthright, his inheritance, and his family blessing. The fact that his mother contrived this last con didn’t help the tendency in him toward deception. He even swindled his father-in-law out of the best of his flock (Genesis 30-31). It’s no wonder that Jacob’s name means trickster.

One of the great challenges for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional family systems is defaulting to the same unhealthy family practices and behaviors, especially in moments of uncertainty, fear, or insecurity. It’s incredibly difficult to think clearly enough to correct unhealthy family habits when a current relationship triggers a relational dynamic from your childhood.

Over the next 6 days, we will be looking at ways our own difficult childhoods have impacted us, what the Bible has to say about it, and how we can begin to bring good things out of the baggage we’ve been carrying.