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Why Is It So Difficult for Him to Stop?

Let’s consider two key reasons why your husband may find it difficult to stop using pornography. And remember, insight and information are not excuses, but they may help lead to a more effective strategy and a pathway out.

1. Pornography is addictive. According to the dictionary, addiction is a physiological or psychological dependency upon “a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined symptoms upon withdrawal.”

Sexual addiction occurs when a person feels a strong compulsion to repeatedly engage in certain behaviors, even at the expense of his or her own physical, mental, relational, or financial well-being.

In many critical ways, using pornography and illicit drugs are variations on the same theme because they both activate the same area and neurochemistry of the brain.

Your husband has a difficult time stopping his behavior because actual physical changes take place in the brain that perpetuates addiction.

2. The brain makes stopping complex. Solving sexual compulsions is more complex than simply focusing on your husband’s sinful and immoral behavior. His problem is multifaceted – that is, body, mind, and spirit.

During a crisis, it’s understandable that you want to focus on the hurtful actions of your spouse. You don’t want your therapist to let all this talk about “the brain” allow your wayward husband an excuse – and it doesn’t! But restoration requires facing the entirety of the problem to achieve healing for both of you.

The science involved in brain research is complicated, but according to psychiatrist Daniel Amen, who has performed more than 70,000 brain scans, brain science is revealing the complexities of diagnosing and treating cases of sexual addiction.

That’s not to suggest that brain science explains away sin or negates accountability in your marriage or to God. But the results of scientific research may help you and your husband overcome a challenging obstacle to his victory over pornography use – which is a sexual sin affecting the body (1 Corinthians 6:18).

The good news from brain-science research is that with time and investment, the brain can and does heal. In addition, research-revealing truths about how people function often result in answers to questions like “Why does he do what he does?” And answers can help fuel healing and restoration.

Next, we’ll look at signs of pornography addiction.