The Pit of Self-Pity

How to Turn Your Focus from Inward to Outward

And all the congregation cried and with a loud voice, and [they] wept that night.

All the Israelites grumbled and deplored their situation….

Numbers 14:1-2 (AMPC)

Today, I’m diving into another “wilderness mentality,” and this was a big one for me. It’s the mindset that says:

“My life is so miserable—I feel sorry for myself!”

When bad things happen to us or when we feel like life isn’t “fair,” it’s so easy to want to turn inward and feel sorry for ourselves. However, self-pity is not productive—it actually prevents us from growing and moving forward.

There is a true gift of compassion, which is having godly pity toward others who are hurting…and spending our lives relieving their suffering. But when we indulge in self-pity, we take something that is supposed to be given to others and we turn it in on ourselves.

Unfortunately, I can tell you firsthand how exhausting it is to give in to self-pity and try to gain others’ sympathy. There were so many times—especially in the early days when my kids were younger—when I felt like I was the only one who ever did anything around the house.

I can remember one Saturday in particular when I really felt sorry for myself. As I attempted to clean the house from top to bottom, the kids were outside playing and my husband, Dave, was sitting in the family room watching sports.

My thoughts of self-pity were in full swing: I’m the only one who ever does anything around here. It’s the same thing over and over—do the laundry, clean the house, cook our meals, do the dishes. You think someone would at least show me some appreciation once in a while!

Sound familiar? The tragic part is that I would stomp around the house all day in a huff and ignore my husband, hoping he would see just how hard I was working and how pitiful I was. But he never noticed!

One day, during one of my “pity parties,” the Lord clearly spoke to my heart and said, “Joyce, you can be pitiful or powerful, but you cannot be both.”

I’ll admit, pity was a hard thing for me to give up. I had used it for years to comfort myself when I was hurting. However, self-pity is a major trap, and it’s one of Satan’s favorite tools to keep us in the wilderness. I couldn’t truly be free until I made the decision to let it go.

When you feel those emotions rising within you, check your thinking. Then go to God and ask for help. Simply pray, “Oh God, give me the strength to change my thinking and let go of these thoughts of self-pity. I have so much to be thankful for, and I know that You are on my side through everything.”

Walk It Out: Take a few moments to answer the following questions. How do you respond to disappointments? How much time do you spend in self-pity? What are the effects of self-pity—mentally and emotionally? What affect does it have on your relationships?

Read the following scriptures: Philippians 2:3; 1 Thessalonians 5:18; Psalm 100:4

Try this: The next time you feel yourself sinking into a pit of self-pity, take a few moments to thank God for the good things in your life. Then make a point to go encourage someone else—whether it’s a kind word, a text message, or in some other way.

Prayer: “Father, You know me inside out. You know my past, my personality, and any pain I’ve been through. When I’m tempted to feel sorry for myself, I pray that You will help me to recognize it and change my thoughts and perspective. Help me to focus on Your goodness and all of the many blessings You give me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”