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Decision About Marriage

“So, how do we know if we should get married?”

That is a question I hear often. In general, what you are looking for is:

• Confidence in your relationship
• Conviction that you are willing to give your life away in the loving service of the other (commitment)
• Trust that your partner is willing to do the same for you
• And, if children are involved, an educated, objective sense that they are reasonably open to your union and new family, and that their emotional, psychological, and spiritual health will be well served by your marriage

Confidence

If you are lacking confidence, give full consideration as to why and don’t get engaged until your confidence rises. When your confidence is high, make a decision for marriage; until then, keep dating and resolve your concerns or gracefully bow out of the relationship if you can’t.

Commitment

To experience love and intimacy in marriage, we must do the hard work of confronting and sacrificing our selfishness. Commitment creates a climate where both persons can work together on putting off their selfishness. Without this permanence most people won’t subject themselves to the process of maturation and discipleship that marriage brings; instead they wiggle out when the going gets tough.

Children are Open and Ready

If one or both of you already has children (of any age), take time to check in with the kids about the possibility of having a stepfamily. It takes children longer to adjust to a parent’s marriage than it does a parental divorce, so you don’t want to run over them with a hasty decision. Don’t marry someone unless you are convinced they will bring emotional, spiritual, psychological, and relational blessings to your children.

(Suggestion: complete the 7-day plan Dating and the Single Parent also available on YouVersion.)

Yeah, But How Do I Know?

Now, having said all that, let me state the obvious: even if your confidence and commitment is high, you still may not know beyond a shadow of doubt that you should get married. At some level when you get right down to it, marriage is a leap of faith. There are no guarantees. The decision then is yours: Are you willing to take the leap?

Adapted from the book Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

TRY THIS

1. Rate your current level of confidence in your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest).
2. Rate your level of commitment.
3. If you have children, rate their level of openness to you getting married.
4. Now, rate how you think your dating partner would respond to each of the above.

Once engaged, to prepare for your marriage, consider these resources:

• First marriage, no kids: Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey, et al. (Bethany House Publishers)
• Marriage with a child from a previous relationship: The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family by Ron L. Deal (Bethany House Publishers)

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Receive weekly encouragement, videos, and tips from stepfamily expert Ron Deal, visit FamilyLifeBlended.com.