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Managing Sexual Pressures

Before marriage love is blind and sex is a blindfold.

God knows what a powerful force sexuality is in our lives. After all, he designed it. And because God is invested in your sexual health, he placed boundaries around sex because he knows it can be used in the right way for our benefit or in the wrong manner for our demise. Sex before marriage, like a blindfold, blinds you into thinking you have more in the bank with each other than you really do. By declaring sexuality before marriage a sin, God is not being a simpleton or killjoy; he is trying to protect you from a shallow relationship and personal pain. The only question is, do you trust his motives and his insight?

Practical Strategies for Managing Sexual Temptation

1. Get accountable. You must invite others to help you stay accountable to your goal of sexual purity. Giving someone you trust permission to randomly ask both of you about your behavior.
2. Let God define “sex.” When someone says “Did you have sex?” what we hear is “Did you have intercourse?” That’s unfortunate for many reasons. First, it implies that we can engage in all other forms of sexual touch (including oral sex and manual stimulation to orgasm) and think we haven’t “had sex.” But Ephesians 4:19 clarifies that the definition of sex includes sensual behavior (a broad range of sexual behaviors and lust). The issue here is not “Can we touch here or there?” The issue is keeping sexuality in its proper place. Second, it lulls us to sleep about how far we can go and still be safe (see item 4 below). And third, it turns sexuality into a legalistic game of avoiding sin rather than a spiritual matter of trust and discipleship.
3. Understand that there’s no reverse in sex. Have you noticed that sex only has a forward gear? Once you break a certain touch barrier, you’ll quickly return to it and will never be satisfied backing up.
4. Date in public. Being in a private place (e.g., home, hotel, or apartment) explodes sexual temptation because no one is watching. However, I’ve never seen a couple having sex on a table in McDonald’s!
5. Date in a group. Being with other couples adds accountability, but it also offers objectivity as you consider this person through the eyes of others you trust.
6. Agree to a Purity Covenant. Couples who can’t talk about their sexual temptations are destined to fall prey to them. But don’t just acknowledge them, discuss the values behind purity and agree to a plan. Consider drafting a written purity covenant that details your values and plan (a sample is available in the book Dating and the Single Parent).

Adapted from the book Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

TRY THIS

Talk through each of the strategies above and decide which you will implement in your relationship.