Redeeming The Feminine SoulÀpẹrẹ

A Man in Every Woman and a Woman in Every Man

Many men, especially sensitive or non-athletic men, struggle to live up to the church’s ideal of manhood. But Christian women struggle to live up to the church’s ideal of womanhood too. I know I did. I never felt like I could become the stereotypical Proverbs 31 Woman upheld in so many churches. I was told to be meek and mild, but I was outspoken and bold and forever feeling as if I didn’t fit the model of biblical womanhood.

When I read Proverbs 31:10–30, though, the woman described there didn’t seem much like the feminine caricature taught in many churches. The Proverbs 31 Woman seemed capable and smart—working vigorously, feeding the poor, making and selling clothes, dispensing wisdom, and managing the affairs of her household. Somehow the more masculine traits of this woman seemed to get lost in translation, so many women feel like misfits and woefully inadequate.

Many women I meet in the church—even the most feminine and genteel among us—feel inadequate. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same holds true for Christian men. Both sexes suffer from trying to live up to an unrealistic and, I would argue, unhealthy masculine or feminine ideal. The culture and many egalitarian or feminist churches try to form women to be like men. And they tell men, in the words of conservative radio host Dennis Prager, “to be ashamed of their masculine natures and to reject masculine virtues.”*

Meanwhile many traditional or complementarian churches advocate the exact opposite— admonishing women to suppress every masculine impulse and men to suppress anything remotely feminine. So men and women are often caught between two extremes and frankly are not terribly excited about embracing either.

Yet these caricatures we have come to accept in the church are not valid. They are not biblical models but composites of select scriptures and a false cultural narrative. True masculine and feminine, though obviously expressed in culturally relevant ways, actually transcend culture. They are more profound than displaying a certain personality type or playing sports. They are expressions of God.

* Dennis Prager, “The Feminization of America Is Bad for the World,” National Review, November 3, 2015, accessed January 6, 2017, http://www.nationalreview.com/article/426473/feminization-america-bad-world-dennis-prager.