Don’t Let Past Hurts Pollute Your Leadership

You can’t get through life without getting hurt. That’s the sad reality of living in a community. People unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) hurt each other.

Sadly, church environments are often the worst for hurts. It’s not because people are meaner and more inconsiderate in the church but because we get closer to each other in church than we do in other environments. We perhaps are more vulnerable, which opens us up to deeper hurt. Not only can people hurt us emotionally, but they can also hurt us spiritually.

If you’re in ministry, you will bear most of that pain because you’re the one having to make decisions people disagree with.

These situations that cause pain can add up. Certain words, circumstances, names—they can alert our brains to dig up a past hurt. We end up reliving that past hurt even if the current circumstances are completely different because we developed a sensitivity that’s clouding our judgment.

Sensitivities can keep us from healthy, high-capacity leadership because we respond to situations from places of hurt instead of doing what needs to be done. If we are not aware of our sensitivities and the impact they can have on our lives, we begin to build a false framework. Past wounds become the lens through which we see our current situations.

In the short term, honest and humble communication can help you work around sensitivities that will hinder healthy, high-capacity leadership. But learning to forgive people is what’s going to set you up to lead at a high level long term. By courageously addressing your past wounds, you can find a lightness in your heart. You can regain the emotional energy that was previously devoted to hurt and instead apply it to your leadership.

As Jesus' followers, we’re called to forgive no matter what. But forgiveness is a process. Here are some steps you can take to help you reframe past hurts, release control, and unburden your heart:

1. Acknowledge the wrong that happened.

2. Choose to forgive.

3. Remember with forgiveness.

4. Don’t discount the good you experienced in that season of hurt.

5. Move forward in forgiveness in spite of your feelings.

As you go about your week, try to notice what sensitivities arise and what wounds from the past you may still need to address. Call on God for strength, choose the process of forgiveness, and relinquish control to the One who can turn all evil to good.

Whether you are dealing with deep hurts or small wounds, talking with a counselor can be extremely helpful for determining your next steps. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling in your pursuit of healthy, long-term leadership.