Boundaries for Family

If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.

Matthew 10:14

Good fences make good neighbors. Sometimes those fences are erected to protect you from your very own family. Directly or indirectly, toxic family and in-laws are a common cause of divorce.

Boundaries are there to protect what is valuable to you and your spouse. When you truly leave your blood family to cleave to your spouse, that family becomes secondary to your marriage.

The best way to set clear rules for preventing outside influence from causing harm is to create a Position Statement. This is a written guide that lists what you will and will not accept from others.

It may seem cold or harsh, but it is not a letter attacking or accusing any one person. It’s simply a list of rules by which you abide and ask others to respect if they are to have a role in your life and marriage.

Both of you must communicate your Position Statement to family members. This guide is a living document that should be revisited often as life and relationships change.

Examples:

• Interfering in faith and religious services of children. (Grandparents have been known to get kids baptized without parents’ consent.)
• Interfering in child-rearing and if kids stay over with family, that they exercise same practice as when kids are at home. (Diet, movies, use of car seats, etc.)
• Parents may spend holidays but not sleep in couple’s home.
• Giving money to their child without permission of spouse.
• Giving child ultimatums. (It’s either your spouse or your family.)

CALL TO ACTION:

Each of you drafts out a position statement. Next, both of you work together to create the final document. Finally, discuss the best way to share this with all of your family and friends who hold an influence on your marriage.