Young Adults + Our Stories 2Намуна

Shifting My Focus: Nicky’s Story

I became a Christian in high school but didn’t know what the Bible said about dating or relationships. As I struggled with anxiety and OCD, my girlfriend became my security—the one I went to for assurances, physical comfort, and identity.

As I learned more about God, I felt He was telling me to leave this relationship, but I didn’t want to listen. When I started getting ready to head to college, it became clearer this was unhealthy. Knowing I needed to let go, I finally broke it off.

In college, my anxiety became worse, and I even began experiencing some depression. I started dating someone, and my anxiety flare-ups eased because I had the comfort of this relationship. I made compromises I said I wouldn’t, such as having sex and being with someone who wasn’t committed to her relationship with God. She was, however, loving and caring, so I stuck with her and ignored the calls from God to cling to Him instead.

After a year, things started happening that made me stop and question whether this was the person I should be with. My girlfriend struggled with mental health as well, and we fought a lot. Finally, she broke things off.

After some mixed emotions, I felt grief but also the presence of God. I heard Him telling me to be patient and to wait. I believed this meant that she and I would eventually get back together.

During this waiting time, I saw a transformation—I started to read more and had a different outlook on life. My desires changed, my anxiety lessened, and I was no longer interested in sexual things. For the first time, God was developing good soil in me.

Eventually, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, and she said hurtful things and that she was seeing someone else. I felt angry, confused, and frustrated. However, as I struggled through that, I felt closure; God asked me to let it go and move on.

Since then, I’ve stayed single and focused on growing in my faith, academic studies, and worship ministry. My anxiety and OCD are still issues, so I recently started therapy. God’s showing me to see things the way He does, including how He expects men to treat women. I believe that when I do eventually date, God wants me to be with someone who thinks the same way I do spiritually and with physical boundaries. I’ve learned that the physical aspect of a relationship is a bonus that comes with marriage, and I must be satisfied with God only and first.

It’s helped me to have a roommate who believes the same things I do, so we can talk about them and keep each other accountable. Breaking free from having a relationship in place of God and from sexual sins has shown me I can break free from other areas in my life. I’ve been able to change my sleeping, eating, social media, and spiritual disciplines. God gives me the strength to live as He wants me to live, and when I mess up, He picks me up, and I start again.

Pray Over Your Story

Praise —Thank God for creating you as you are and for loving you. Thank Him for knowing what you need in terms of a relationship, whether now or in the future.

Repent – Confess if you’ve messed up in this area.

Ask – Ask God to help you seek Him first and be fulfilled in Him first. Ask Him to help your current relationship or to guide you as you look to date.

Yield – Surrender this topic to God. Spend a few moments in silence, asking God to speak to you.