Young Adults + Our Stories 2Намуна

My Audience of One: Marisa’s Story

I went to a Christian college and met a guy who became my boyfriend. Despite my pledge not to have sex before marriage, I fell into it. I’m a people-pleaser and didn’t want to tell my boyfriend no. I also didn’t think I was strong enough to say no.

Not only did I feel convicted about what I was doing, but I also hid the truth from my mom and lied to her. I felt like she would look at me as less than. I was also the oldest child in the family—the standard was high—so for a while, I told myself I would never tell her.

Soon, however, the Holy Spirit prodded me to confess. When I told my mom, she went on and on about how disappointed she was, which was tough to take. I went to my boyfriend and told him we were going to stop having sex. Shortly after that, though, as I grew close to God again, I realized my boyfriend and I weren’t meant to be together. Unfortunately, I had been blinded by the physical part of our relationship.

After breaking up with my boyfriend, I was sad, but I quickly realized how important community was as people rallied around to help pick me up. God also started to heal my relationship with my mom and stepdad. It’s now way better than it ever was before.

Part of healing was understanding that I couldn’t keep acting like a perfect person to those around me. I had already tried that, and when I failed, I felt shame and like I let people down. I wanted to be a role model for others and felt like I couldn’t be. I realized that none of us are perfect, and the way to not fall back into sin is to be transparent with those I trust.

I’m learning that being a people-pleaser hurts me more than it helps me—I hurt myself by trying to please everyone but God. I’m learning to only live for God’s opinion—I have an audience of one.

I’m also learning that my identity is not in the men I date or physical relationships. God’s parameters or “rules” are so I don’t get hurt—He’s protecting my heart and my life, and that’s one of the best things a father can do.

In due time, God blessed me with a boyfriend who reflects Jesus more than anyone I’ve ever met. We pledged to God to stay pure, and it’s opened my eyes to the love God has in store for all of us on earth. Trust God and His timing; do not lower your standards, knowing what you deserve.

Pray Over Your Story

Praise – Thank God for creating you perfect in His image and for your identity in Him.

Repent – Confess any sins in this area or for putting things or people in place of Him.

Ask – Ask God to help you find wholeness in Him rather than in others or relationships. Pray for wherever you may be struggling in the area of relationships or people-pleasing.

Yield – Surrender all of this to God. Spend a few moments asking Him to speak to you.