Discerning God's Will in RelationshipsНамуна

In 1 Kings, chapter 3, the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream and asked him, "What shall I give thee?" Solomon's response isn't what most would consider, but it is a response from a heart posture all believers should desire to possess. Solomon thanked God for all He had done for his father, David, and expressed gratitude for the position God had chosen and bestowed upon him, Solomon. But what he desired most from God was wisdom in understanding, judging, and discerning God's people. Solomon's prayer model was revolutionary to my desire to discern God's will, not just for my life but also for my relationships. Solomon said, "Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judgethy people,that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people "(1 Kings 3:9 KJV)?

Solomon was in a unique position; he was following the reins of his father, who had followed God, not perfectly but with a heart that was indeed after God. Solomon loved the Lord and wanted to remain faithful to Him in all he did, so he asked for an understanding heart to make sound judgment so that he could discern between good and bad.

Two things stood out when I searched the concordance for synonyms for understanding and discernment. The word for understanding means to hear or perceive by ear. Discernment means understanding, seeing, paying attention, considering, teaching, and examining. So, we understand by listening and discern by observing. As I reflected on the failed relationships from my past and the ones that I so desperately worked to keep together, I noticed that there was this trend of me not praying and seeking God on what category I should place them in; instead, I relied on my emotions, what I thought was "good" potential, similarities, and others' opinions as a substitute to the wisdom of God.

When you follow Christ, it's imperative that you take inventory of who is in your life and understand their purpose. Twelve disciples surrounded Jesus, but only three knew him intimately. Only three (Peter, James, and John) were there to witness His transfiguration. If the Lord set boundaries and didn't allow some to witness certain events, indeed, we should do the same.

Another critical point is that Solomon desired to discern good from evil. Most believers think that they have a good grasp on discernment, but when it comes to relationships, this judgment must go a little deeper than the surface qualities we see in professing believers. Some individuals may have good qualities but impure motives. What fuels their words is flattery, not genuine intent. This is why wisdom and discernment are essential.

Discernment cuts through our perception and gives us divine insight into understanding and distinguishing reality from the fascination with the connection. Discernment rooted in Biblical wisdom divides what we want to believe about a relationship from its facts. You must observe the facts through the lens of Scripture. Hebrews 4:12 KJV teaches us that, 'For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.'

Confusion sets in when one deals passively with wrongful actions while choosing to accept/believe words that don't authentically align with a regenerated believer. For years, I lived with anxiety when I was entertaining certain relationships. I would notice behaviors that didn't sit right with me, but I would reason in my mind, attempting to rewrite what I witnessed because the action went against what I believed about the person. The more I covered up the behavior, the more signs I'd see. As I would pray for the person and try to understand their duplicitous character, I knew deep down that God was revealing these traits to me so that I could use discretion in the relationship.

As we wrap up Day Two, I encourage you to pray this prayer that Solomon prayed. Although you aren't called to rule and judge the people as he was, you still need an understanding heart to judge and discern the associations in your life. God won't leave you in the dark regarding your connections. It's up to you to perceive what God is revealing and trust that He knows more than you ever will.

After Solomon prayed, God granted his request and presented him with a situation where he had to test/prove his God-given wisdom and discernment. God uses this same method in our lives when it comes to relationships. Whenever God reveals someone's true character, it's for protection and redirection.

If you have been praying and seeking the Lord regarding a relationship you are unsure of, continue praying. But also remember, God is not the author of confusion. So, if you are experiencing confusion, sorrow, deception, or any other unhealthy characteristic, this is not of God. Perhaps your prayers should shift from seeking God's will in this, to: "Lord, give me the courage to walk away." We will talk about this more tomorrow.

Be encouraged.