Discerning God's Will in RelationshipsНамуна

Throughout antiquity, God has used relationships to accomplish His purposes (Mordecai and Esther), provide comfort and restoration (Naomi and Ruth), and reveal the hearts of Kings (Saul and David). Relationships are a common thread throughout scripture as they reveal God's heart and how He relates to His people. God is a relational God; therefore, He desires us to experience God-glorifying connections.

The number one struggle I've had since laying my life down to pick up the life of Christ has been Defining, Discerning, and Disconnecting from unhealthy, un-godly relationships, mainly platonic ones. I grew up in the hood of an inner city, so most of my formative years were spent with people I loved dearly and trusted to love me in return, but they weren't living for the Lord. Although there wasn't always conflict with the people, my soul and heart were constantly at war once I decided to follow the Lord fully. I now wrestled with the profound question of how I could define these relationships, discern the ones that the Lord wanted me to continue to build with for His purposes, and most importantly, disconnect from the relationships damaging my witness as a believer.

The more I prayed and studied the Word of God, the clearer the Lord's will became, "But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy." (1 Peter 1:15-16 KJV); the harder my flesh fought against this revelation. I'd say, "But Lord, they don't know better, or there is still some good in them, and the most pressing prayer: but Lord, I see that they are trying."Many scriptures point to who we should be friends and in romantic relationships with, but how do you dissect that and live it out when you are interconnected from past experiences so profoundly that it's hard to follow the truth revealed concerning the relationship?

One familiar verse is from Amos, where the prophet writes, 'Can two walk together, except they be agreed? '(Amos 3:3 KJV). According to my logic, we could walk together in some respects related to the relatability we share apart from knowing Christ as Savior. Plus, this desire was to still know and keep tabs on what was happening. Although this desire was impure, it was present, and I knew I needed God to clean and purify me from it.

So, let's define a good and healthy relationship. According to Scripture, a healthy and godly relationship is a connection that is equally yoked. There is an equal and sustaining scriptural, moral, and integral value that determines the way they think, their decision-making, and, ultimately, their lifestyle. Of course, there may be some struggles and growth that are recurring and occurring, but the focal point is that they are growing in their knowledge of God and maturing in the fruit of the Spirit.

Godly relationships aren't merely measured by the years one has known each other but more by how this friendship sharpens your abilities to know Christ better and offers the Holy awareness that God is watching and has commanded that our lives are offered as a sacrifice unto God. The Bible says that Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. So, if Jesus is this to us, our relationships should mirror this glue of divine togetherness, no matter what. A good question would be, how does this person show up when navigating storms and the mountaintop seasons when God is moving in visible ways of tangible blessing that others can see?

In David and Jonathan's friendship, there was a bond that even Jonathan's father, Saul could not break. Not only were they dedicated and loyal to each other, but they also had a deep fear and reverence for God. Jonathan looked out for David and ensured His protection from His father as best he could, even if this meant a misunderstood defiance to his father, Saul. Loyalty and reverential fear of God are the ingredients to defining a healthy and godly relationship; it's listening to what they confess and observing actions to ensure that their confessions align with the lifestyle lived out secretly and publicly.

Defining relationships as you embark on a genuine relationship with Christ can be nuanced. You see the good of what can be while wrestling with the conviction that "good" isn't "godly." No matter how much love you have for the person, you must decide to love God more at some point. I used to believe that there had to be a betrayal of some sort or some hurt that would separate me when I was discerning that God was leading me to remove myself from certain situations. Through the years, I've learned that this isn't true, and most times, when you don't heed the warnings, this is when the friction occurs and, subsequently, the falling out that could have been avoided had I chosen to walk away when God first led me to do so.

Obedience, prayer, and healthy communication lead to defining your relationships and peaceful endings when it's time to let go and move forward. If you still have an unhealthy attachment to people from your past, you must pray and ask the Lord to remove the desire, create in you a clean heart, and renew a pure Spirit within you. God has given us everything we need to live a godly life, and He set the parameters for defining relationships for our good. Let's trust Him in complete obedience.

Be encouraged.