Dating In The Modern AgeНамуна

Principles of Dating (Part 2)

In yesterday’s reading, we ended with the principle of autonomy in dating—in dating only another believer in Christ. When you follow that principle, you both will be operating under the same “rules” when it comes to following God. This leads to the next principle: sexual purity.

Sexual purity is a principle that has been lost in modern times. But it is important because sex involves far more than just physical contact. A much deeper, emotional bonding takes place when two come together. Your spouse is meant to be your best friend, but if you throw sexuality into a relationship too quickly, it distorts your ability to evaluate whether or not this person is a good friend. It makes you stay longer in relationships you shouldn’t be in, and it makes the breakups much more painful.

This leads to the next principle: treat the person you are dating as a child of God. Who you are informs what you do. So, when you are on a date, you need to see the person across from you—and he or she needs to see you—as an adopted child of God. How do you treat a child of the King of heaven? With courtesy, politeness, respect, and kindness. You want the net effect of your presence in any relationship to be that of making the person better. You want to encourage the person to trust and love God more as a result of your presence in his or her life.

Your aim should be to bless, not simply to impress. So go to dinner, get to know the person, do things you like doing. You are not trying to win him or her over, but simply evaluating if the two of you are a fit. Listen intently, ask good questions, and share your thoughts honestly. Compliment. Encourage. And speak your mind with sincerity and kindness. Don’t stress too much about trying to impress. Dating is for evaluating and blessing. That’s it.

This brings us to the next principle: allow people you trust into your dating conversation. Romantic feelings are intoxicating and distorting, so getting the right voices speaking into the process can keep you from spending too much time with the wrong person. Select friends who love God, love you, and who are not afraid to tell you exactly what they think. Ask them to speak into the process early and often. Surround yourself with godly counsel.

The final principle of dating is to be patient. Let the relationship grow at its own pace. Do not rush to put on a ring, but wait and watch the other person’s character. Some people will be obviously unsuitable for dating at the outset. Others may seem nice at first, but over time you will begin to question parts of their character. Watch long enough to see how they react when things don’t go their way. Give yourself the space to see them in every season.

Will you find a person who is a great fit? I don’t know. But I do know that God has given you wisdom and himself to lean on as you journey through life. I pray your hopes in this season of dating will be fixed on the King, not a prince or princess. I pray you will walk with him, believing he will care for your needs and, if it be his will, lead you to the right person in his good time.

Respond

Why is sexual purity important in the process of dating? How can restraint before marriage help you build a relationship that will stand once you are married?

What does the way you treat the person you date say about your character? Why is it important to treat the other person as a beloved child of God?

Who can speak truth into your life as you date? How open are you to that person’s input?

When has it been difficult for you to be patient in relationships? What things can you only learn about someone over seasons of time?