Dating In The Modern AgeНамуна

Principles of Dating (Part 1)

When it comes to principles for dating, first and foremost you need to invite the God of the universe into the process. Allow the truth about who he is to influence your thoughts and actions. Prayer frees you from the terror of being alone—and protects you from compromising your standards. You can relax and enjoy every moment because you rest in the knowledge your strong and loving God is leading you in a good way. When you have a clear connection with God, you can see people as precious creations in his image—not to use, but to honor.

In dating, that honor begins when you follow the second principle of dating: provide clarity to the other person. In Ephesians 4:15, Paul says a hallmark of the people of Jesus is that they “[speak] the truth in love.” Proverbs 24:26 declares an honest answer is a kiss on the lips. It is a sign of respect and love to tell someone the truth. So muster the courage to graciously tell the other person what you think, how you feel, and what you would like to do.

Be sure to keep your meaning clear when you are on a date. Let the other person know how you are feeling about the experience—don’t keep him or her wondering about what will happen next. Ambiguity is uncomfortable. Also, be clear about how this process of dating might end. Share your comfort level with your experience at any time, and be willing to stop without putting pressure on each other if one of you feels uncomfortable. There should be a clear door out. When you give people clarity, you give them peace and the opportunity to be themselves.

Believers in Jesus do not need to play games. Life is short. You don’t have time to mess around with people’s emotions. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Be clear about the process.

A third principle for dating is that it should be between believers in Christ. The Bible is clear those who trust in Jesus are to date (and marry) those who trust in Jesus. You are to love those who do not believe, but you are not to extend a romantic relationship with them. As a believer in Jesus, dating is part of being in community with other believers—a covenant relationship. God does not recognize dating as a “status.” You are either brother and sister in Christ, or you are husband and wife. There is no intermediate sphere. So don’t get this confused.

In the same way, the Bible draws a hard boundary between what is permissible sexually. In marriage, much is permissible. In singleness, none is permissible. And in dating, still none is permissible. True love does not request access to your body while simultaneously avoiding any responsibility to care for you emotionally and financially. So, until the two of you are married before God, you are still two. You are separate.

You are accountable before God for your own life. So treat dating as a season of evaluation that leads to a solid conclusion about the other person. Use dating to determine whether you are in a good partnership or are not.

Respond

How have you invited God into your dating life? Why is it important to invite him into the process first before you choose to date someone?

What are some ways to appropriately communicate your intentions to someone you want to date? How can you honor a person you want to date by the way you treat him or her?

What boundaries has God set in relationships? If you have crossed any of these boundaries, how can you get back on track?