Discipline

In all likelihood, you and your spouse grew up in households that differed in values, routines, rules, and expectations. You may also differ in parenting philosophies, which is hardly uncommon. However, remarried couples must develop a cooperative approach to discipline to provide a sense of stability and to maintain household boundaries, which children desperately need, particularly during times of transition.

Until everyone has had time to adjust and develop close relationships with each other, we have found that it’s best for each biological parent to discipline their own children. In the absence of the biological parent, however, the authority to discipline can be delegated temporarily to the stepparent if the arrangement is crystal-clear to the children.

Even then, a stepparent’s right to discipline is reserved only for a designated period—while a sibling is getting picked up from an activity, while running an errand, or until the parent gets home from work. If you receive this right, exercise it firmly, respectfully, and lovingly.

You and your spouse probably won’t agree on every single issue, but it’s of the utmost importance that you consistently support each other. If the children complain to their biological parent about a stepparent’s parenting in the parent's absence, then the biological parent must support the stepparent in front of the kids. If they disagree with the stepparent or question how a situation unfolded, the parent and stepparent must discuss it away from the kids to preserve the respect for the stepparent, not undermine it.

Just as the Lord disciplines us out of His great love for us, so, too, should you discipline your children. Work at this challenge out of your love for them. Away from the kids, answer these questions together:

• What is my style of discipline? What is yours?
• What expectations do we have regarding the stepparent’s approach to discipline?
• If we differ on how best to approach a conflict or situation, how will we address it so that we present a united front to the kids?
• How will we set up our disciplinary structure?

When the going gets tough, pray together. Ask the Lord for patience, grace, and courage—in discipline and all things. Coming to Jesus together alleviates you from the burden of fixing and solving everything on your own and allows you to trust your circumstances to him. It unites you as a couple. When you are humble enough to admit that you don’t always know what to do or say and instead turn to God for direction, your marriage and entire family benefit.

This plan contains content from Marrying Again: 52 Devotions to Prepare Your Heart and Mind for Marriage after Divorce by Ron and Nancy Keller. https://broadstreetpublishing.com/marrying-again/9781424562831/