Resolving Conflict in MarriageНамуна

Getting Help

Both of my younger brothers are on the autism spectrum. Growing up, I was the helper, the caregiver, and the problem solver. The stability in my home often rested on my ability to hold everything together. While my brothers could fail, I could not. I had to find a way, figure it out, and make it happen. It wasn’t that I couldn’t ask for help. It was just that everybody else’s problems always felt more urgent.

While my circumstances might be different, I know I’m not alone. Many of us, know what it’s like to carry the weight of other people’s expectations. Asking for help often feels like an admission of weakness or failure. We feel like we should be able to do it on our own, so we exhaust every option before asking anyone for help.

The problem is we were not meant to do life alone. And by the time we’ve come to the end of ourselves, we’ve suffered more than was necessary. The hymn “What a Friend We Have In Jesus” reflects this:

Oh, what peace we often forfeit.

Oh, what needless pain we bear.

All because we do not carry,

everything to God in prayer.

We need to learn to go to God, not as a last resort, but as the first. And when there is conflict in our marriages we can’t handle, we need to have the humility to go to the body of Christ for help too.

I know, asking for help was the last thing I wanted to do. But when my wife and I were stuck in a conflict, and nothing we tried was working, we knew we needed to do something different. The couple we spoke to didn’t have any special powers, but they were able to listen, pray, and help us to see our situation from God’s perspective.

Sometimes the thing that keeps us from resolving conflict in marriage isn’t how complex our situation is, but how long it takes for us to swallow our pride and reach out for help.

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Have you let anyone from your church know about your struggles? If not, ask God to lead you to a trustworthy, mature believer to talk to.

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At FamilyLife, we want to help every home to be a godly home, so we’ve gathered some of our best resources on marital conflict in one place. If you need more help resolving conflicts in your marriage, please visit our “Resolving Conflicts in Marriage” page.