Resolving Conflict in MarriageНамуна

Let God Worry About That

There was a florist across the street from the train station I used to take each day. Since my commute changed, surprising my wife with flowers wasn’t as easy as it used to be. But I had a plan: I would plant a beautiful, snow-white Hydrangea surrounded by dozens of purple irises right outside the kitchen window. She was going to love it.

With the cloud cover gone, the full force of the sun cooked the back of my neck. I probably should have stopped and waited for a cooler part of the day, but I wanted to get the flowers in the ground as soon as possible.

I managed to finish before passing out from the heat and made my way into the kitchen to rinse off and get a drink. My wife was there, and as I prepared to usher her to the window to see my gift, I found myself being scolded for tracking dirt onto the freshly mopped floor. I tried to protest, but my gesture of love had turned into another example of my selfishness. It wasn’t fair. Obviously, I didn’t mean to track dirt into the house. Soon we were both locked in battle, looking for justice for our perceived offenses.

God is a God of justice. As beings created in His image, it’s only natural that we desperately want justice too. When we’re wronged, something deep within us demands things be made right. Unfortunately, our sense of justice is marred by sin. It’s far easier for us to notice when we’ve been wronged than to notice when we’ve wronged others. And even when we do realize our faults, they never seem as bad.

Sure, I tracked dirt into the house. But didn’t the last two hours of toil in the blazing sun count for anything? My motivation was pure, after all.

Selfishness clouds our vision.

What I couldn’t see that day was, while I was outside trying to give her flowers, she was inside sweeping and mopping to give me clean floors. I was so upset she had disrespected my efforts that I completely overlooked my own disrespect for hers.

The injustices we experience in marriage are seldom as clear-cut as we think. Only God can see the situation clearly. Maybe that’s one reason why justice is God’s responsibility, not ours.

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What is the main reoccurring conflict in your marriage? How could your spouse be viewing this differently?

What would it look like for you to let God worry about administering justice in your marital conflicts?