Hope After Loss - Leaning on God After Losing a Loved One to AddictionНамуна

Where is God in My Pain?

This hurt is so great. It’s overwhelming. I just don’t feel God’s presence at all. All I feel is pain.

These are things I found myself crying out in the midst of my grief.

Why are there times we cannot feel God? Does it mean He has left us?

The truth is, our journey with God is not always about feeling; it’s about knowing. We may not always feel His presence, or see Him working, but that does not mean He isn’t there.

How do we know?

Over and over in scripture, God assures us of His constant presence. David recognizes that God’s Spirit dwells everywhere and always holds him. Jesus assures His followers that he will always be with them, even to the end of time. The writer of Hebrews reminds the early Christians that God will never leave them or forsake them.

These are truths we can KNOW. And God expects us to continue to trust Him, to believe Him, and to obey Him, based on these promises.

And when we keep our hearts open, God will reveal Himself to us in the most amazing ways. Often this is through the Bible, where the words jump off the page and into our hearts just when we need them most. And sometimes it happens in the world around us, through unexpected circumstances or special signs that are more than just mere coincidence. At Hope After Loss, we like to call these times, “God winks.”

I experienced one of those God winks on the cold January morning of Lexi’s burial. My heart ached at the impossibility of what lay ahead of me: How would I ever get through her memorial service? As we walked from the graveside to the car to drive to the church, I put my hands in my coat pockets for warmth. Feeling a piece of paper, I pulled it out, thinking it was trash to throw away. But I stood in awe as my eyes fell on the paper and I saw Lexi’s handwriting staring back at me.

It was a church program, dated nine months earlier, covered with her notes and doodles. I vaguely remembered her tossing me the program that day after church. How had I not thrown it away or even noticed it in my pocket until that day??

As we drove to the church, I read those notes and doodles and peace flooded over my soul. Here were my daughter’s thoughts about God! It was like a little confirmation from Him, reminding me that she was there with Him, experiencing His perfect love and never-ending joy.

I clutched that piece of paper throughout the service as if I was holding her hand. This is one of many times when God has given me a glimpse of His glory in a special way in the midst of darkness. As a matter of fact, it has been during this dark time that I have been able to experience His presence in ways that I never have before!

God is always with us and always upholds us.

Today’s Challenge:
Think about ways God has revealed Himself to you during this difficult time, and the special ways He has shown you his love. Write down these “God winks” and share them with others. Decide to trust Him even during those times when you cannot feel Him.

Prayer:
Thank you, God, that you are always here with me. Please help me to trust that you are upholding me, even when I don’t feel it. Continue to show yourself to me and let me feel your presence and comfort. Become more real to me in the midst of my darkness and pain.