When You've Been Hurt by the Church Намуна

Respond with love

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Above all else, choose love! The first step to healing is to walk in unconditional love. Loving people well can be difficult in a great relationship, but it can be impossible when there is an offense. I want to be clear; love doesn't require us to tolerate abusive situations without recourse but helps us respond by the Spirit and not the flesh. It also doesn't mean we should remain in a ministry that destroys us emotionally. If you've developed a genuine hatred for a fellow church member or the pastor, it would be better to find another church altogether. I have seen this in my own life, where I was so frustrated with the ministry leaders that I would do everything in my power to avoid them during the Sunday service. This behavior, on my end, was not just toxic to the ministry but noticeable to others. My avoidance only furthered the discord and caused gossip as people tried to figure out what was causing the tension. Thus, your choice to act in bitterness instead of love will affect you and the entire church.

Acting in love ensures your response reflects your Christian faith and not one that is sinful. First Corinthians 13:4-7 spells out what it means to love one another. This passage of scripture describes love as being patient, kind, honoring, and protecting. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when the grievances are severe. Yet, the Bible reminds us that we cannot say we love God, who we cannot see, if we do not love those we can see (1 John 4:20).

Walking in love may not include inviting the despised church member over for dinner. It may not involve enjoying having conversations with them. Instead, your way of walking in love during this season may be to choose not to gossip, or it may be your choice to be silent when enraged. Your act of love could be giving when there is a need, despite the unresolved conflict, or choosing to pray for them! One year, the Lord encouraged me to send a birthday card to a church member I had issues with in the past. Another year, He had me sow a large amount into a mission trip that would be led by the same ministry that had hurt my heart previously.

Whatever the case may be, we must recognize Christians have been called to operate differently. Whereas the world is quick to "cut people off" or curse those who hurt us, this is not how God would have us respond. In all things, we must seek to show genuine love above all else. Just as God loves us despite our poor choices, we can choose to do the same with others. Again, how you show this love may vary based on the situation and does not require you to remain in a cycle of abuse. Let us be quick to love, forgive, and hear God's voice on how to heal. If you commit to prayer, He will show you how you can operate in love, even when it's difficult.

Deeper Discussion

1. What are practical ways I can love those who hurt me?
2. What biblical examples can I find of Jesus showing unconditional love?