When You've Been Hurt by the Church Намуна

Acknowledge the Pain

Experiencing hurt from the local church can be unbearable. The church should be where broken people can find healing and restoration. Yet, many leave the church more busted and damaged than before.

Whether you've been the victim of a controlling ministry, rejected, or abused (in any capacity) by the local church, it's undeniable when a church causes pain. Sadly, I've experienced this within several ministries. I've been outcasted by my church "friends" over a misunderstanding. I've been in churches that rejected me due to my age, race, and even the number of kids I had. I've been overworked, overwhelmed, disregarded, and disrespected by church leaders and members alike. When it comes to church hurt, I've felt the deep heartache that broke me to my core and almost destroyed my marriage.

As a church planter alongside my husband, I've talked to many who refuse to become a member of a church again. They describe the church hurt experience as being worse than a breakup and refuse to ever put themselves in the position to be hurt again. The sudden loss of their church "friends," the loss of what used to be a safe place, and the internalized guilt over what occurred can leave one feeling empty. Before long, the same person who was actively involved in a church will refuse to go to church at all. What's worse, many will suffer a fracture in their ability to commune with God. They will equate the pain from one ministry to how God loves his children. This is a great tragedy!

Perhaps, this describes you today. I want to assure you that you are not alone. As one who's been a church member for almost two decades and in church leadership in various capacities, I can assure you that I've experienced my fair share of pain at the hands of a church member. I'm certain I may even have been the cause of another person being hurt in ministry.

Step one toward healing is to acknowledge the pain you've experienced. The distress you experienced was real and unjustified in most cases. We may never get the apologies we desire or gain understanding as to why the offense happened. However, we don't have to stay in pain. We don't have to allow the enemy to keep us isolated or depressed. Instead, we can come to terms with knowing the Lord will fight our battles. Let us take a moment to truly acknowledge the hurt and be real about all the emotions associated. We can know exactly how to pray and rightly assess everything when we do so. Ultimately, our job is to allow God to heal and not bring the pain of the last church into the next one. Unresolved church hurt will affect how we view fellow believers and tarnish how we view God.

My heart is that you will have a strategy for healing from the pain caused at the end of these seven days. May the next seven days be full of prayer and a sincere choice to surrender our hurt to the Lord.

Deeper Discussion

1. When thinking of the hurts you've experienced, what has caused you to approach the Lord differently?
2. Read James 1:2-3, Psalm 34:17-20, Psalm 23:3
3. What truths in His word remind you that we can overcome the emotions of being hurt in ministry?