Marriage in Crisis: Finding Hope and Help in the GospelНамуна

You’re Not Alone, So Don’t Be!

By David Fine

“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another.”—Hebrews 10:24–25 (KJV)

The truth is, every marriage has its issues, conflicts, and rough patches. The Bible is clear when it tells us we’re all sinners. So, when you place two sinners under one roof “until death do us part,” and then add the stress of paying bills, raising children, etc., our marriages can truly be put to the test.

One thing that greatly hinders a couple from healing is when their struggles are lived out in isolation. There’s always a temptation to keep the less desirable moments, conversations, and actions in your marriage to yourself for fear of judgment, embarrassment, or criticism. A married couple will often struggle for years and years quietly and secretly while the world around them thinks they’re “the perfect couple.” Since we all know there’s no such thing, we have to be careful not to be so secretive about our struggles that it winds up being catastrophic to our marriage.

Our Lord Jesus created the Church for the very purpose of helping people live more fulfilled lives as they follow Christ. When we say the word “Church,” we’re not talking about the building where we go to worship; rather, we’re talking about the body of believers God has surrounded us with for instruction and support. In Hebrews chapter 10, the author tells us we’re not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. The purpose of this assembly is not simply to sing songs and listen to a sermon, but it’s to provoke one another “unto love and to good works . . . exhorting one another.”

I’m not for a second suggesting we’re supposed to announce to all our Christian friends our spouse’s sins or that the marriage is in trouble. Instead, I’m suggesting that through prayer, a Christian should look to see who God has placed in their life who is wise and trustworthy, who sees life through the lens of the Bible, and asks confidentiality if that person would listen to what has been going on and then give some biblically-based advice. Follow-up and accountability should also be welcomed because we need them! If we’re going through a trial, we’re going to get advice from somewhere or someone. Will we seek advice and accountability from our brothers and sisters in Christ? If not, there’s a strong likelihood we’ll be influenced by the advice from the world, which will be opposed to what God talks about in His Word.

Biblical community is not merely a suggestion or recommendation in the Bible. It’s a necessity! Even Jesus, the perfect man/God incarnate, had three close friends He opened up to. He asked Peter, James, and John to pray with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane as He asked the Father if there was any other way to atone for the sin of the world. Jesus always did what was right and fulfilled His purpose on the earth while also displaying for us what accountability is supposed to look like. He showed us how to be vulnerable and transparent with the people He knew loved Him. Now it is our turn to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and seek a deeper biblical community.

If you need some biblical guidance, connect with a local church. The church has pastors and biblical counselors who can listen to you and point you in the right direction.

Pause: Is there someone in your life who truly knows you and whom you’ve given the privilege to be able to speak into your life in a biblical way?

Practice: If you have Christian accountability in your life already, then GOOD JOB! However, if you’re in solitude trying to discern how to navigate through your struggles and temptations all alone, then start praying about WHO in your life God may have sent to be this dear friend to you. Having a married couple as accountability partners is a wonderful thing if possible. Be open to them, and trust the Lord will use them to help you stay on “the straight and narrow” path!

Pray: Dear Lord Jesus, I know You see all things and know the condition of my heart. Please forgive me for my sins and help me by the power of your Spirit to run from temptation. Please give me the right accountability in my life as I seek to honor You with all I am and all I say and do. I pray for the strengthening of my Christian community. Please remove any barriers hindering me from deepening my relationships with You and with Christian brothers and sisters. I pray I can do my part to honor my marriage vows to You and my spouse. Amen.