Marriage in Crisis: Finding Hope and Help in the GospelНамуна

When “I Do” Turns to “I Don’t”

By Anne Lunkins

“Let us not grow weary or become discouraged in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap, if we do not give in.”—Galatians 6:9 (AMP)

I remember the day I married my husband. It began at sunrise on the beach. He had been waiting for me and, when I arrived, the photographer wanted to take a “first look” picture. He had his back towards me as I walked down a natural pathway towards him. My heart was racing. What would his reaction be when he looked at me? As I touched his shoulder, he turned and looked in my eyes with a love I can hardly express—one I pray will never die.

Do you remember the day you said, “I do;” the vows you both made to love one another in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, until death do you part? It sounds blissful and exhilarating to have someone with you until you die, someone who will be for you and walk alongside you, right?

Have you lost the depth of your love for one another? Have years of stress in raising children caused a disconnect within your marriage? Are you just going through the motions? If so, there’s hope to revive and renew the deep love you had for one another.

In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he tells us there will be times in marriage when we’ll become weary or discouraged. What have you and your spouse sown into your marriage relationship?

Winter in Michigan always dragged, and it seemed spring would never come. But when the blades of grass popped up from the snow or when the flowers began to bud, there was a sigh of relief because spring had finally come. This is the picture I get when I read today’s verse.

It takes time for what you plant to grow and produce fruit. If you’ve planted anger, strife, idolatry, or resentment, it may not sprout up right away, but when it does, it will catch you off guard. However, God promises His mercies are new every day towards us. We can wake up and choose to receive the gift of His mercy and start planting new seeds of love, joy, peace, and self-control into our marriage. Then if we patiently endure, we’ll begin to see the fruit of those seeds sprout up and flourish. However, part of planting includes pruning branches and pulling out the weeds that choke out and take away nutrients necessary for our marriages to flourish.

What are some of the weeds you’ve allowed to get in the way of your marriage? Are there selfish needs not being met by your spouse that they may not even know you desire? Do you entertain attention from a coworker? Do you allow social media to distract you so much you ignore your spouse, who is starving for some attention?

Maybe you’re serving at church to honor God, but it has become a replacement for honoring your spouse. Or perhaps when you got married, your expectations of marriage haven’t measured up, causing you to sow seeds of disappointment, anger, and frustration.

Revelation 2:5 (NIV) gives us a remedy for restoring our marriage. Jesus, our Bridegroom, tells His bride, “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.” This is true for a marriage in crisis, one where you forgot your first love.

Today, take some time to remember how you once felt about your spouse—why you thought they were the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life loving God, loving one another, and loving your family with. Then, after realizing what has changed, come together and pray for God to forgive you for not “tending” or “cultivating” your marriage. Confess to one another and the Lord what has gotten in the way. Finally, begin to date each other again. Go on the dates you used to go on, reminisce about the memories created, and rekindle the love you once had. But this time, invite Jesus to be the third strand in your relationship (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

Pause: Why is it important to pay attention to what you’re “sowing” into your marriage? Think about the fruit being produced in your marriage.

Practice: Make time this week and plan a date night with your spouse, even if things are not so good, and talk about what you have been planting into your marriage or ignoring. If you have an area to grow a garden or flowers, take the time to grow it together. As you begin to see the flowers sprout up, allow that to be a reminder that your marriage can also sprout something beautiful when you pour into it by watering it and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and guide both of you in the day-to-day ways of expressing love to one another. Keep your marriage nourished by reading the Word together.

Pray: Jesus, help me see my marriage as a way to honor You. Help me see the areas I’ve ignored and pull out weeds of busyness, anger, frustration, and complacency towards the gift of marriage that You have given. Help me “sow” new seeds of thankfulness, kindness, empathy, and joy back into my marriage. I know that You have extended grace and mercy towards me, and I need Your help to extend the same to my spouse. You are the only one who can bring life back into our relationship, so I pray for You to have Your way to renew the love and commitment we once had. Amen.