Dating and the Single ParentНамуна

Best Practices for Dating Single Parents, Part 1

Dating for two is difficult; dating in a crowd is downright complicated. The kids are engaged, at least on some level, even when you don’t think they are. And everyone has strong emotions and opinions about who is involved and what the outcome might be.

Over the next three days I’ll share with you a number of dating best practices for single parents and the singles who date them.

Introductions and Early Dating

Early on your kids may meet your date and be intrigued to learn a little about them, but the first few dates should primarily be about the two of you. At first, reference your date as “a friend,” or if your kids are prepared, call them your “date.” Casual introductions are fine when you start dating someone, but don’t proactively put your kids and the person together until you are pretty sure there are real possibilities for the relationship. This is especially true for children under the age of five, who can bond to someone you are dating more quickly than you can.

As your interest in the person grows, gradually become more intentional about finding time for your boy/girlfriend and kids to get together. Tread lightly at first and continue to monitor and process everyone’s fear or concerns. If the other person has children as well, it might be wise to orchestrate early get-togethers with just one set of children. You might, for example, engage in an activity with your partner and their children one weekend and then have your partner join you and your kids the next. Navigating multiple new relationships can be overwhelming. Breaking the two families into parts can be helpful initially. Eventually, though, you’ll want to get everyone together for shared activities.

Avoid a Quick Turn-around

Parents who begin dating quickly after the end of a relationship (whether by death or divorce) or who reach a quick decision to marry after a brief dating period often find their children more resistant to the marriage. This sabotages the ability of a stepparent and stepchild to get off on the right foot with one another and puts the family at risk.

Healthy Dating Begins With Self-Examination

Smart singles take a good long look in the mirror before dating. They examine their motivations for dating, fears, loneliness, and unresolved hurt (e.g., after divorce). How do you know when you’re ready to date? When you don’t need to.

Manage Sexual Pressure in Your Relationship

Sexual temptation is ever present in dating relationships. You must have a plan for managing them. Read Colossians 3:1-11.

Adapted from the book Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

TRY THIS

• Write down how comfortable you feel being alone. Put words to it. Then ask a trusted friend if they think you are okay being alone or if you “need” someone in your life.
• To learn more about self-examination and managing sexual pressure, read the plan Dating With Purpose also available on YouVersion.