One Foot Out the DoorНамуна

Some of the best relationships in my life are friendships. They are a beautiful place to celebrate the ups and downs of life, laugh and cry, and 'veg' out on chips and queso. They are also the spaces where I can talk through some of my struggles as a wife and mother. In my younger years, I’d get really frustrated if my conversations with friends about an argument with my husband didn’t further confirm that I was right all along. This isn’t true friendship and it’s also not helpful. Too often our friendships serve to further our agenda rather than challenge us and help us grow. This is especially true if the conversations we are having with friends are more about degrading our spouse, rather than encouraging growth, understanding, or a new perspective. If my friends and family cheer louder for me than for my marriage-  they are definitely not the ones I should be going to for advice. In this season of your marriage, it is vital that you have people who are pushing you towards Jesus and towards your spouse. 

I was a newlywed when I started working at a new facility. Every afternoon all the staff would gather in the office to wrap up the day, and every day like clockwork, the conversation would immediately shift to conversations about home life. Because most everyone was married, it often became a venting session about spouses. I found myself sitting quietly staring at the computer, intrigued that all of these people were so negative about their husbands, wives, and their home lives. Then, one day, I turned my chair around and joined in. Every day after that, I felt more and more comfortable chiming in. It seemed like innocent camaraderie at first, until I realized on my drive home one afternoon that I was angry and frustrated with my husband for doing things he hadn’t even done yet. Communication with friends matters. Conversations you join in or are a part of- matter. 

When marriage feels heavy, and we feel isolated from our spouse, it can feel natural for us to want to pursue other relationships even harder. God created us with the desire and the need for connection. It is important that we evaluate what connections we are pursuing. Now is not the time for a new friendship with someone of the opposite sex. It’s not. Read it again. God didn’t bring that person into your life to show you what you were missing, He didn’t bring in a replacement, and He most definitely isn’t saying you married the wrong person. I fought through all of those lies and feelings myself, and I’m encouraging you with my whole heart not to go down that path. 

CHALLENGE: 

Today, take a good look at your friendships. Maybe they look innocent from the outside, but you know that if you heard your spouse saying the things you and your friends say, that you would be upset or even angry. Maybe you have friends who push you towards truth, and you find yourself frustrated with them when they tell you something you don’t want to hear. It might be that in your desire for connection, you are pursuing other relationships as “friends” more than you should. If there are conversations you know you shouldn’t be having, put a stop to them now. You are not too far gone to turn around. Commit today to use these words to rebuild your marriage, even if that means starting at rock bottom. 

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, Help me to remember how important my conversations are. When my tongue begins to spew forth empty words, help me to remember your words are true, and that the wise are slow to speak and slow to anger. I want my words to honor You and my marriage. Place people in my life that point me back to your truth and cheer loudly for my marriage. God, open up doors for fruitful conversations with my friends and coworkers and help me to have the strength to walk away from any conversations that will further the divide I feel in my marriage. Help me to see my spouse as both a partner and a friend. Help me to be the spouse you created me to be, even when my spouse isn’t doing the same.