One Foot Out the DoorНамуна

I don’t know what your family dynamic is, but I have lived my whole life knowing my parents are on my side and are my biggest fans. The last thing on earth they want is to see me fail, or even worse, see me treated poorly. I hate to say it, but my parents’ well-meaning intentions of coming to my defense can be harmful to my marriage. 

Today, we will explore the conversations we have with our family. These are the people who have known us our whole lives, our biggest cheerleaders, and potentially a roadblock for our marriage. Hear me out: There is nothing better than having a family to support and love you and your marriage, but when they quickly come to your defense rather than the defense of your marriage, it can actually do more harm than good. 

I share a strong bond with both my mom and dad. Both are sounding boards for working through hard decisions and struggles in parenting, marriage, work-life, my faith, and even what I’m going to cook for dinner that day. With them, I celebrate all my victories, brag about how amazing my son can be, and vent about how frustrated I sometimes feel. They listen, they encourage, and they point me to Jesus. But some days, they take my side. (I knew I was right all along!!) Unknowingly, they fuel the fire of frustration and the division in my marriage.

Right now, you need to evaluate the conversations you are having with those closest to you. If you are sharing your deepest feelings, I have no doubt you trust and respect them dearly, but if there are not healthy boundaries around these conversations, their good intentions can lead you to resent your spouse, even more, to build up pride, and to stay in a posture of offense. Maybe listing your grievances to your parents, sister, cousin, or whoever, isn’t the way to work through the hard times in your marriage. Especially if they aren’t cheering louder for your marriage than they are for you. 

The Word is very clear, “two become one.” When a family vent session becomes a spouse-bashing session, you aren’t just bashing your spouse, you are tearing yourself down. Even when you aren’t speaking the negative, taking part in those conversations affects your thought life, and works to harden your heart. The two of you are one unit that God bound together. It may feel like you are anything but bound together right now, but there is hope to get back to the teamwork mentality if you begin protecting your marriage from the things you say to yourself, to your spouse, and even to your family!

CHALLENGE: 

Be transparent with yourself about the conversations you are taking part in, and what you are saying or are allowing to be said about your spouse. Evaluate why you are saying those things. Do they make you feel justified? Do they boost your ego? If so, here’s your reminder that victory isn’t won when one person is more right than the other, but rather when the two of you are able to overcome an obstacle together. 

Prayer: 

Dear God, thank you for the amazing people you have placed in our lives. Thank you for a family that is available to listen and talk through some of the struggles we are facing. Today, we pray for wisdom to set healthy boundaries around our conversations. We pray that you help us to recognize the times when we are failing our spouse with the negative commentary we take part in. Help us have soft hearts, God! Help us to have eyes that see our spouse the way that You see them. Help us to fight for marriages day in and day out. Strengthen our marriage, strengthen our conversation, and strengthen our resolve. We love You, and we praise You. Amen.