I Love Jesus, but I Want to Die: A 5-Day Plan to Give You Hope in the Darkness of Depression Намуна

Beating Back the Darkness

If you spend much time under the cloud of depression, you get so used to it that you believe its lies. You accept the ugly accusations that say you’re a worthless failure, nobody can love or want you, life will always be this way, or some other hideous thing we wouldn’t say to another person. 

Over time, those lies warp into unspoken rules we live by: Don’t hope. Don’t let your guard down; something bad is right around the corner. 

But learning to thrive despite mental illness requires fighting back against the grim thoughts. We must learn to beat back the darkness. 

This is the rubber-meets-the-road, day-by-day process that moved me from death to life, clinging to the hand of God and the support of mental health professionals. When I wanted to belittle myself, I reminded myself of my belovedness. When I was caught in spiraling anxiety, I wrote lists recounting God’s faithfulness in my life and read through lists of my favorite hope-filled Scriptures. Ultimately, I had to learn to be kind to myself to beat back the darkness. 

Self-compassion is actually foundational to the way Jesus wants us to understand love. Jesus called the instruction to love your neighbor as yourself the second-greatest commandment after loving the Lord with our whole beings. The word for love includes care, approval, and committing to seek what’s best for the beloved. Jesus assumes we will treat ourselves like this.

Here are some of my favorite verses that remind me of this truth, with reminders they apply to you, too. Consider picking one or two to keep nearby for those moments when the lies get loud. These are words that are true—and powerful enough to help anchor you during a panic attack or season of depression.

“Speak the truth in love”—even to yourself. (Ephesians 4:15) 

“Don’t use foul or abusive language [about yourself]. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them”—including you. (Ephesians 4:29) 

“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12) 

“Forgive [yourself ] as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13) 

“The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation”—including you. (Psalm 145:9) 

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep”— not harshly judging our emotions and experiences, but sitting compassionately with our feelings. (Romans 12:15) 

God, thank you that your words are full of love for me. Help me to believe them and treat myself with compassion, just like you do. Amen.