I Love Jesus, but I Want to Die: A 5-Day Plan to Give You Hope in the Darkness of Depression Намуна

Take Heart

We may not realize it, but a subtle prosperity-gospel faith in many of our church communities teaches us that if we do the right things, God will bless us. On some level, we are convinced that the circumstances of our lives are evidence of how happy God is with us. 

In the midst of a culture that celebrates victory, we do believe God is good—just not to us. God is present, but not with us. God is gracious, but not to us. Those thoughts feed a cancerous self-hate, reinforcing the lie that our sickness is beyond God’s reach. 

When I’m drowning in the darkness, aching with indescribable pain, I don’t need to hear that if I just pray or read my Bible, God will heal me. I need to know, deep in my bones, that being a Christian doesn’t guarantee we won’t struggle—but God is ultimately present in my pain.

Before going to the cross, during his final hours with the disciples, Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble” (NIV). The NLT says “you will have many trials and sorrows” (John 16:33). 

Ouch, Jesus. We don’t want trials and sorrows. 

But Jesus’s words are actually good news: it means we haven’t failed, we aren’t bad Christians, and we’re not lacking faith. 

And here’s the even better news: Jesus has overcome the world. 

That’s the other half of John 16:33: “Take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

We need faith that makes room for suffering, that refuses to deny the brokenness of this sin-sick world and our place in it. We need theology that honors the ache while clasping tightly to the hand of a God who refuses to abandon us. We need a community that doesn’t wait for Jesus to wave a magic wand and fix us before they can accept us. 

In my darkest moments, when shame kept me bound, I didn’t need to hear that God had promised to heal me. I needed to hear God was with me, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that God was no less present in my pain than in the triumphs of others. I needed to know that Christ, who has overcome the whole world and all its suffering, wouldn’t leave me alone in mine. 

God, you are good. To me. Help me remember you are with me in the struggles. And you have overcome them. Amen.