Thriving Through And After Infertility And LossНамуна

Hope in His Story

So many of us are struggling to not only do the work to survive this life but to also embrace that these struggles, losses and hurts can, will and must become well with our soul.

This work, this hope, can be a tricky concept for many of us, especially those of us who have gone through any kind of major struggle, trauma, loss or tragedy in our lives, especially infertility.

Through our infertility journey hope at times is our best friend and at other times it is our worst enemy.

My faith did not grow strong until after our infertility journey ended. And you may be surprised, as our journey ended without the desired result of babies. I usually tell people there is nothing like being a mental health therapist who struggled with infertility to make you be pretty mad at God.

And yet, here I am, my faith the strongest it has ever been.

This strength was not found in hope, but rather in allowing myself to doubt and question. And yes, to even be angry with God.

It was within my doubt, questioning and anger, and allowing myself to fully embrace it all, that His clarity washed over me; hope shined again, a healthier hope.

Not the hope that if we kept trying, kept praying, kept doing what society told us to do that God would do our will because we had hope.

I had to learn to let go of this hope because if I am truthful it was only the hope for things to turn out the way I wanted; how I thought things needed to be.

It was the clarity of a healthier hope that came with learning to practice active acceptance of what we cannot change balanced with the trust that He holds the end of our story.

Within my working faith, within the doubt and the questioning, I allowed enough room for hope to be a true anchor. This work has allowed hope to be an anchor for my soul, not a hope for my plan, but the clarity and trust in His.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. (Hebrews 6:19 NIV)

And, so I will continue to hold His hope for my life, even if it has not necessarily turned out how I planned.

Because, I know he has the end of my story, and I trust it is amazing.