Ready or Not for Foster & Adoptive FamiliesНамуна

DAY 6: Wisdom

In this journey, you need wisdom more than anything—more than a compassionate heart, a spirit of resolve, or a profound dream. The dictionary definition of wisdom is “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment.” More than likely, you’ve never parented a wounded child before so you don’t have the experience or knowledge to confidently make good judgments in the process. This is where seeking outside wisdom comes in.

During a period of great difficulty with one of our daughters, I vividly remember her counselor saying to me, “Based on everything I’ve seen and heard, she’s a classic case of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).” Although the phrase scared me, I wasn’t completely caught off guard because I had already invested time learning about attachment disorders in foster and adopted children. Although having head-knowledge about an issue and dealing with it personally are totally different, I had a head start on understanding our journey as a family because I understood the basics of the issue. This basic understanding helped me begin to connect with the brokenness that she felt inside instead of blaming her for the outward behaviors that made it difficult to parent her. 

There’s a saying: “knowledge is power.” It definitely applies to trauma-centered parenting. Too often, potential parents enter the adoption process with little knowledge of the challenges they may face, including birth family connections, emotional issues, or strange behaviors. When face-to-face with a child dealing with one or more of these issues, adoptive parents get trapped in fear. They wonder what they’ve gotten themselves into and feel ill-equipped to continue the journey.

Knowledge truly is power. If you spend time before your placement learning about common disorders and how others have successfully dealt with them, you’ll feel more at ease when facing similar issues in your child. When your child bursts out in anger or you find a mountain of food hidden in his room, you won’t panic. Instead, you’ll rely on the knowledge and wisdom you’ve gained. You will be equipped to handle the situation with confidence and calm. 

When we ask God for wisdom in a specific area, our eyes can be opened to resources, individuals, and opportunities to learn and grow. 

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I encourage you to spend time with your spouse (or a trusted friend if you're single) to ask and answer the following questions.

Discussion Questions – Day 6: Wisdom

1. Talk about a person in your life whose behavior frustrates you. What approach do you take to deal with that frustration?

2. Today’s devotion says, “Knowledge truly is power. If you spend time before your placement learning about common disorders and how others have successfully dealt with them, you’ll feel more at ease when facing similar issues in your child.” How does having knowledge result in wisdom in dealing with foster and adopted children? What role does application play in gaining wisdom?

3. Read Proverbs 15:22. Talk about the benefits of having many advisors.

4. Who are some people that can give you wise counsel regarding foster care or adoption? What is one thing you can do this week to begin to engage those people? What can this group do to help you?