All About Heaven - GriefНамуна

The Bible is full of promises and helpful perspectives, but you may well find a struggle to even read or benefit from scripture like you once did.

It’s okay to struggle, and in fact it’s quite normal. And it’s good to know you have permission to take all the time you need. People vary so greatly in terms of how they grieve. We met with one friend for whom it was more than twelve months before she could even contemplate returning to a church gathering. Gill and I had to think it through really carefully. 

The hardest part of church re-entry is the challenge of meeting scores of well-meaning people, and the process of conversation can be negative and utterly draining. What we did was to arrive two or three minutes late, asking someone to keep seats right by the door, and we would leave at the start of the last song or at the start of the closing prayer. After several months, we were able to stay and talk for five minutes, though even that was demanding. We put a notice in our church newsletter explaining and also advising people how they could ‘handle us’. Even with that careful preparation, most services have still posed a challenge and have not in the main been helpful. But neither Gill nor I wanted to retreat totally.

It’s also important to understand how differently we need to express and deal with our grief. In the early weeks, Gill needed to speak to people, sometimes at length, whereas speaking to numbers of different people was very challenging and unhelpful for me. Church members and church leaders quite rightly wanted to visit. Gill was grateful; I was challenged. In the end, we explained to visitors that I found talking to multiple people draining and unhelpful, whereas Gill found it to be a blessing. She would then spend time with all the visitors and I would come in at the end of any time and gladly benefit from the prayer. Friends understood, and both of us, in the end, found that helpful.

Professional counseling, especially from Christian sources, can be immensely helpful. Some in our family have benefitted especially from this help. What is critical is having prayer support and being unashamed to request it and receive it. 

For more information about David Oliver visit www.davidoliverbooks.com