A Shattered Life: Victor Vs. VictimНамуна

Victim Mentality

You might be like me…painfully looking at others and wondering why they have such a good life. Why do circumstances seem to align so right for others while things with you seem more like life was shaken up in some cosmic snow globe and allowed to crash to earth. “Good luck” at making those broken pieces amount to anything. 

Do you sometimes feel like you’re in a special club when you look around you? There are the “people with the good life” and “us”…Yeah, welcome to the club! I don’t know about you, but being in this club was never one of my dreams in life. I give up my membership! But really, if you are human, it doesn’t matter what your level of hard is. Any one of us can fall prey to victim mentality.

Victim mentality, or one who has accepted the label of a victim, is anyone who blames or reacts to their circumstances. A victim has a poor-me attitude, and is allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. They think people are always against them and are the reason for their unhappiness. They portray themselves as unfortunates who demand rescuing. When you suggest a way to put an end to the pity party, the victim will say, “Yes…but...”, then launch into more unsolvable gripes.

If you’re starting to get sweaty, your breath is shallow, and you’re getting that sinking feeling in your stomach reading this list, you might be struggling with victim mentality. No worries. Remember you’re in the club…welcome! I’ve struggled with victim mentality in the past…and by past I mean last Friday because I still have to fight many of these symptoms. Just know you’re not alone!

If you want to see victim mentality played out in its pure raw form, just observe a child. You don’t have to be around an unfiltered child very long to hear “it’s not fair”, “they made me”, “he did it”, “I didn’t do anything!”. While we may chuckle when it is said by a cute little kid, so many of us don’t outgrow that mentality and we’re just saying a bit more cleaned-up version of these things…or if we’ve learned a little self-control, we’re just thinking these things.

But do we have to live there? Even though we’ve figured out (or tricked ourselves into thinking we have it figured out) how to look right on the outside, can we even conquer our victim mentality thoughts? 

Before answering these questions and bringing some light and encouragement into our experiences, we are going to keep digging down into the hurts so that we can get to the root of this condition.

Look at the list of hurts you made the first day. Ask God to reveal any of those areas where you’ve turned true pain into a victim mindset, and mark those with a special symbol. Jot down any additional areas you see where you’ve fallen prey to victim mentality. These are going to be things you often think aren’t fair. Maybe you are comparing or envying others’ freedom, irritating your pain even deeper, or maybe there are areas where you have a “poor-me” attitude. 

As you continue writing and praying, jot down phrases or thoughts you have that may be indicators that you are struggling with a victim mentality. Be aware throughout your day when those phrases creep in. Continue to journal thoughts you have as you ponder this with self-awareness.