Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your MarriageНамуна

STEERING CLEAR OF TEMPTATION

If you’re married and genuinely concerned about remaining faithful to your spouse, you deserve a word of commendation. Your earnestness and zeal for preserving the integrity of your marriage is a tremendous asset — a treasure you should guard and preserve in every way you can.

Remember that God is with you in this commitment. His desire is to bless you and your spouse with a thriving, lifelong relationship. It follows that His ears are open to your prayers in this regard, and that He will hear and answer if you ask Him to set a protective hedge around your marriage. If you’re wise, you’ll put all of your trust in Him rather than in your own ability to stand firm (Proverbs 3:5, 6). Remember the words of Jesus in Mark 14:38: “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

This last passage of Scripture merits careful attention. The words “watch and pray” are particularly worthy of note. It’s always a good idea to pray that the Lord will protect us from temptation. But prayer by itself is not always enough, at least where marital fidelity is concerned. Once we’ve made this particular request known to our Father in Heaven, we also have to make up our minds to watch. We need to stay vigilant and keep up our guard. If we don’t, we can easily be thrown off balance and taken by surprise, whether by the devil or by our own subconscious lusts and desires (James 1:14). Why? Because “the flesh is weak.”

If you really want to avoid flirtation and illicit affairs, then, you have to embrace every aspect of the defense system the Lord has placed at your disposal: ask for His protection; make up your mind to stand firm; and keep your eye peeled for unexpected traps and snares.

How does one do this? It’s always helpful to begin with self-examination (2 Corinthians 13:5). Ask yourself some pointed questions. Are you, for instance, unusually prone to sexual temptations? Were you promiscuous as a teen or young adult? Is there something in your family background—a divorce, an affair, abuse or neglect of some kind — that might have you feeling a heightened sense of vulnerability? Do you struggle with feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem? Do you and your spouse find it hard to talk about your deepest thoughts and emotions? If so, bring these things to the Lord and ask Him to provide you with the help and emotional healing you need.

Remember, in marriage the bottom line is always communication. Couples who can learn to be open, honest, and caring in the way they express their wants, needs, desires, and concerns to one another are the ones who have the best chance of safeguarding their relationship and going the distance in marriage.

We can’t stress enough that it can also be helpful to seek the guidance and support of a larger community and to make yourself accountable to others who can hold you to a high standard of morality and marital commitment. Many churches offer support groups or adult Sunday school classes designed specifically to help couples build stronger marriages. It would be a good idea to get connected with a class or group of this nature and make it a regular part of your lives.

A trained counselor can also help you perform an assessment of your marriage and point out both the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. If you have children, it might be worth your while to involve the whole family in a series of positive, pro-active group therapy sessions.

Finally, consider the possibility of taking advantage of Focus on the Family’s online Couple Checkup, an assessment tool available via the ministry’s website at https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/focus-on-marriage-assessment/  .

For more help, visit Focus on the Family’s website, or call the ministry’s Counseling Department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357).