It's Okay Not To Be Okay By Sheila WalshНамуна

Day Three: The Illusion of Control

When we think of Queen Esther, we cast her in the frame of a rags to riches story. We forget that her courage was born of great heartache. 

As a young girl, she witnessed the death of both her parents. As a young woman in a patriarchal society and a member of an oppressed minority, Esther had very little control over her life. 

When we experience tragedy or chaos, we grasp for control. Guilt, anxiety, and pain make us feel vulnerable and in our need for security, we reach for anything that gives us the illusion of protection. This can be alcohol, food, or our public image. It can come out sideways onto our loved ones. 

As a Bible teacher, I turned to what was at hand: the love of God. I volunteered for every church program, led every Bible study, preached God’s love every day. It looked selfless. But inside, I was controlling God’s grace. I couldn’t articulate it at the time, but it went something like, “God, see all the things I do for you? See how much I’m helping your kingdom? You owe me your love and protection.”

Then one day, I lost that sense of control too. I believe the mercy of God allows us to hit the wall so that when everything falls apart, we can finally see that we are held in his hands. 

Esther must have felt powerless when she was kidnapped and swept away to the palace. But God had all the power, He was in control. And at the right time, He worked all things together for good. 

Esther kept her focus on who she was becoming, even as she had no control over what happened to her. She remained faithful to God and let her experiences shape her character so that thousands of years later, we still speak of her heroic act that saved the lives of thousands of people. 

Reflection Question

In what ways do you try to control your life? How might your current situation help your faith and character grow?  

Prayer

Lord, I know you are in control, you have all the power and you see the big picture. Please help me to rest in your arms and trust your ways.