10 Choices Successful Couples MakeНамуна

Choose To Trust

Trust is one of the biggest challenges many couples face. Some of you have experienced betrayal in your marriage due to infidelity, lying, or other conflicts. Here is the thing about trust. It takes a long time to build, but it can be destroyed in an instant. Trust is the bedrock of every marriage relationship. 

In my work with couples, I have discovered four primary conditions under which trust can grow and flourish in a marriage. First, trust starts with honesty. Some of you may lie to protect someone’s feelings, out of guilt, to avoid a conflict, or to prevent others from seeing the real you. But you probably lie most often because you are worried about what will happen if you tell the truth.

If you have tried to be honest in your relationship but that attempt has been met with anger or hurtfulness, you may be hesitant to be honest in the future. You are not doing your partner any favors by allowing their emotional reaction to prevent you from being honest. Having the difficult conversations shows your spouse that you care about a truly authentic relationship.

Second, trust demands integrity. If you want to be a person of integrity in your marriage, you have to stand for something. Choose your moral code carefully, as your decisions will flow out of those principles. If you are a person of integrity, your partner will know you will honor your promises, and this is a huge step toward building trust in a marriage.

Third, reliability is the dependable, consistent, and steadfast application of principles such as honesty and integrity over the long haul and in all types of situations. We are talking about having each other’s back here. When your partner needs you, you are there. If you choose to value your partner over yourself, then being a partner who is reliable, honest, and a person of integrity makes complete sense.

The last building block for a solid foundation of trust for your marriage is vulnerability. This involves allowing your spouse to get close to you and believing that she or he will be there for you when needed. Choosing to be vulnerable is risky—you can and often do get hurt. However, vulnerability is a step toward your partner and provides the opportunity for your spouse to make the right choice and be there when you need support—to actually come through for you.

Which building block of trust is most difficult for you to practice? Why?