UNCOMMEN: Surviving DivorceНамуна

Scripture Reference: 

And he beheld them, and said, What is this then that is written, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner? Whosoever shall fall upon that stone shall be broken; but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder. Luke 20:17-18

Breaking Your Mold

Last post we talked about the first step to facing a truth you never dreamed would be. I wasn’t as good at taking my own advice as I would have liked. 

When my wake-up call came, I found myself ping-ponging between anger, desperation, grief, pride, numbness, and just about every other emotion and attitude that a man can have. I knew I loved her but had absolutely no way to prove it to her satisfaction. I knew I was committed to her, but that didn’t matter anymore. I was willing to do whatever it took to get her back, but it was too late. The deed was done, and there was just me, no more us. 

I wish I could say that I handled everything well from that point. It took about a year from the time she left until the divorce. In that year I think I did everything wrong, even though I was seeing a counselor and trying to follow his advice. I got angry at her, and even though she was over a thousand miles away, she felt it through texts and emails. I demanded she return. I begged (groveled actually). I cried and told her I’d change. I argued every logical reason. I offered to move out so she could be with the kids. I tried everything I could think of. No effect. 

I’m telling you this in case it describes what is happening in your world. If your actions mirror mine - you might want to take this as a warning to stop all that mess. None of it works, and it makes you less of a man. Once the divorce was final and too late for me to try anything that might work, I started learning what I needed to make the rest of my life count for God. If I couldn’t be a good husband to her, I’d be a great man, whatever that meant. Great in the sense that God would be pleased no matter if anyone else would. 

That’s when prayer started paying off. When I stopped doing all the things I could think of, I finally got around to the first step and fell on my face. Miraculous things started happening then. Not with my wife, not with my kids, not with my friends or church, but with me. God began changing me. Doing things I would never think to do to change. I wanted to be a great man for God, and He was listening. Breaking my mold, and pouring me into His. And causing more pain than I had ever felt. And it was good. 

Uncommen Challenge: Another list is appropriate here. Write down everything you’ve tried to get her back and the result. Realize that this is you trying to win - not you being broken. Take the list and burn it and stop doing those things. Instead, make it just you and God. Spend your time asking God what to do next and do it immediately once you’re sure it’s Gods step.