If He Wanted to He WouldSmakprov

Don’t Fall For The ‘But Traps’

Ok, so how will I know when he does want to pursue me? Here are a few traps we tend to fall into when straddling the line of navigating our emotions as we encounter potential suitors along our journey.

The: “But he texts me every day and tells me his deepest darkest secrets” trap. My girl, this is called emotional dumping and is a luminescent red flag blowing in the wind warning you to re-route your emotions and spare yourself the heartache. If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, he’d honor your time and establish healthy emotional boundaries. Just know, if he’s giving you free access to his emotions/heart without reservation, you’re not the only one with an access pass.

The: “But he told me he wanted to stay in touch” trap. I’m going to do my best not to crush your little heart. Delete his contact and let Siri rename him as: 'maybe _____'. If he reaches out, you will be delightfully surprised. If he doesn’t, you won’t even notice. If he wanted to stay in touch romantically, the truth is, he would drive to see you, call you when it’s inconvenient for him, and invest his time into making you feel pursued. Sorry to break it to you, but this is code for: have a nice life.

The: “But I’ve never felt this way about ANYONE” trap. I’m sorry, but what makes this statement in ANY way trustworthy? Why do we assume a ‘first time feeling’ gives us authority to validate our situation. If anything, I’d caution anyone who hasn’t felt something more than once. Feelings are fleeting, and it’s only after they’ve repeated themselves a few times that we can accurately have a pulse on where those feelings could potentially be leading us. I can promise you WILL feel that again. You WILL have a similar connection. Don’t build a fantasy on a feeling. Build a future on the promises of God and the truth about what you know, not what you feel.

The: “But he asks me to hang out alone all the time” trap. Unless you are one of the bros, honestly communicated platonic feelings for each other, and you’re cool with cruising in the friend zone (which is highly unlikely ’cause you’re reading a devotional on dating) ‘hanging out’ is not a bat signal for unidentified romantic feelings. Baby girl, you deserve a REAL DATE with a REAL MAN who uses the REAL WORD “DATE” when he wants to spend time with you. If homeboy is asking you to hang out on a whim when it’s convenient for him, he doesn’t want to date you. He’d pick you up and take you out if he wanted to. He’d make reservations or, at the very least, purchase your burrito. This is not just a red flag, but a giant billboard with the words ‘He’s just not that into you,’ flashing in red lights with fireworks exploding above. It’s time to accept this act of minimal effort for what it truly is: a lack of emotional intelligence, mature communication, and healthy boundaries.

The: “But he told me he wanted to marry me” trap. Baby girl, if he wanted to marry you, he’d exemplify the sacrificial characteristics of a potential husband. He’d put in the effort, give the relationship time to grow, and not be hasty with his words or desire. The promise of marriage in a relationship isn’t a sign from God that ‘he is the one.’ It also isn’t a sign that your man is committed to the longevity of your relationship. Of course, he wants to marry you! You’re a catch! A man who has the character to sustain the responsibility of being a husband won’t make presumptuous promises.

Truly, I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Matthew 5:37 says, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one.” Wow, Jesus is looking out for you, sis. He sets the highest standard of being a man of His Word Jesus is the ultimate example of a man who wanted to and did everything He said He would.

What has Jesus promised you that you’d allow man’s broken promises to rob you of your childlike faith? Have you been so perpetually disappointed that it has numbed you to believe God will fulfill His Word?