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How to Face Anger

Everyone gets angry – no matter how calm or relaxed you are by nature. Frustrations come. Difficulties build up. People agitate you. It’s impossible to go through life without ever feeling angry. The challenge is to be angry only in the right way, for the right reasons, at the right time, at the right things, and to the right extent. Jesus warned us of the danger of anger, yet we see that He got angry too – at death, and at religious leaders who led people astray. He was provoked, criticised, and insulted, yet He showed remarkable self-control, responding with gentleness and grace. Jesus is our perfect example of what Paul describes in Ephesians 4:26: ‘In your anger do not sin.’

In likening anger to murder, Jesus drew our attention to the truth that murder is just an outward, dramatic manifestation of anger, which begins within us. You may know someone – or live with someone – who takes out their anger on everything and everyone. Or perhaps you’ve experienced how your anger can spread from a focused point (the specific person or situation that has angered you) to an uncontrollable, widespread rage. Anger is a dangerous force we must learn to recognise and manage.

There are two different kinds of anger: hot (outward, expressive, or explosive) and cold (inward, passive-aggressive, quietly seething or sulking). You probably recognise yourself as being more prone to one than the other. And of course, both kinds of anger are dangerous and detrimental to relationships. Anger releases cortisol, the fight-or-flight stress hormone. It reduces empathy and tends to objectify, overly simplistically, the person we’re angry with. We think things like, ‘They’re wrong. I’m right. They’re stupid. I’m clever. They’re mistaken. I’m right.’ It’s vital to give yourself time to cool off and get perspective when you’re angry (exercise, healthy eating, and a good night’s sleep are beneficial). Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes – and calm down – before you send the text or email, make the phone call, or confront them in some other way.

Tim Keller says, ‘We get angry when something that we love is threatened.’ In other words, follow your anger, and you’ll find your loves. This is key to refining our anger. Anger reveals what we care about (like status, ego, or achievements), and sometimes those things were never designed to bear the weight of all our love and hope. When you’re angry because something you love is under threat, it helps to remember you’re infinitely loved by God, who is committed to your eternal good and whose purposes for your life can’t be frustrated.

May our anger only ever be fuel for restoring relationships and seeking justice, and not a destructive means of protecting our interests. May we live grateful and humbled by the truth that Jesus came into a world full of anger, to bring love. He faced our anger too. And He was willing to bear the anger of heaven so we would never have to fear it.