Learning to Apologize Well in MarriageShembull

An Apology Clears the Air

Apologizing as soon as it’s needed helps move you toward repairing your connection. It demonstrates goodwill toward your spouse. It shows that even though you wronged your spouse, you don’t want to keep doing it. Instead, you want to rebuild the connection.

Apologies demonstrate “unity of mind, sympathy,” and “a tender heart” and nurture the “we” over “me” oneness that makes a marriage thrive.

An apology requires humility. Ephesians 4 speaks of living, “with all humility and gentleness…eager to maintain the unity,” which is what Paul says is “a manner worthy of the calling” of following Christ. I don’t know about you, but I think I’d find it easier to walk with some humility rather than all humility! But the humility God calls us to is the same as what Jesus modeled for us.

Apologizing is more of an open conversation than a one-sided transaction. Admit that you don’t want to remain at odds with your spouse. Apologize for anything that God convicts you of. But also clarify with your spouse by humbly asking questions like, “what did I do that hurt you?” “what can I do to make it right?” or “what can I do differently in the future?”

This is how you can maintain the unity in your marriage. It requires ongoing effort. To “maintain” anything requires us to put in work. But this is the way of living God calls us to: humble confession before Him, which leads to laying down our defenses and living in grace and unity together, and loving one another by repairing our relational disconnects by apologizing well.

Next Steps:

• Referring back to 1 Peter 3:7, do any of these traits stand out as one that is hardest for you to walk in? “unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind”
• What are some ways you can work to “maintain the unity” in your marriage?
• Talk to your spouse about what makes a real, honest apology. What do you want apologies to look like in your marriage?