Six Elements for Resolving Marital Disagreements a 5-Day Devotion by Damia RolfeShembull

Day 2: WHAT are you really saying?

Lord, let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. Psalms‬ 19:14. This is how I begin most of my conversations, especially with my husband, if any type of disagreement seems to be on the horizon. Not to say that our marriage is overwhelmed with conflict, but I firmly believe this verse is why that is not the case. Whether in basic conversations or disagreements, I am confident that when we pray first, God goes before us as he did with Moses in Deuteronomy 31:8. ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

You’ve heard the adage: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s one of the worse, in my opinion, because the Bible clearly says life and death are in the power of the tongue. Words are powerful enough to hurt us. Because words can’t be returned or unheard after release, they can last long beyond the disagreement or the life span of the one we’ve disagreed with.

Renowned poet Maya Angelou once said people will always remember how you made them feel. Many marriages have ended because of what a spouse said and how such words made them feel. We’re warned in Matthew 12:36 that we will be held accountable for what we say. Therefore, we shouldn’t take advantage of our spouse’s commitment and automatically say what we feel in a disagreement. We must be careful to use words offering the same grace and compassion we want our spouse to extend to us.

Additionally, we can’t and shouldn’t just consider what we’re going to say but the intention behind it. The Bible says the heart is deceitful; therefore, what we’re feeling at the height of a disagreement is unreliable. I’m not oblivious that we don’t always stop to consider the words we use, much less the intentions behind them. However, we can’t forget their lingering effect. That’s why allowing God to examine our hearts is so important. This will ensure that our words will destroy the problem, not our spouses. The Bible says we wrestle not against flesh and blood. To put it plainly, our spouse is not the problem. We should take a moment to define what the problem is then we can carefully use words that are wholesome, edifying, and seasoned with love. Further, defining the problem keeps us focused on using words that’ll eradicate the issue and not destroy the spirit of our marriages.

Challenge: Invite God to go before you to guide you with ‘what’ to say and the right words to use to show grace and ensure a healthy resolution. Ask him to examine your heart and reveal the areas that need to be cleaned up.

Matthew 12: 36 - But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.

Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Colossians 4:6 – Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?