Time for a TurnaroundShembull

BOUNDARIES

God established boundaries to help us distinguish where one thing ends and another begins. For example, there is day and night. There’s water and land. When the rivers overflow their banks, they destroy what the people have on the land. When our yes's and no’s are blurred, it allows destruction to come into our hearts. When we know healthy boundaries, it’s a way of God teaching us how to keep ourselves free from destruction. 

Maybe we were never raised in a place where we could use our “no” without consequences. Maybe we were never taught that “no” can be healthy, such as with physical touch. As we get older, if we don’t understand other people’s boundaries or our own, we bring harm to ourselves and others. Maybe we even have good intentions, but if it’s not healthy, it brings destruction and brokenness.

Healthy boundaries delegate where we’re responsible and where we’re not responsible, in our lives or in others’ lives. They define where I end and you begin. 

Healthy boundaries distinguish where we have legitimate responsibility and authority. We always want to care about people, but we don’t want to care FOR them. We call it love, but it’s really co-dependence. Now we’re taking responsibility for someone else’s choices, and we end up reaping the consequences that God meant for them, even if we were “just trying to help.”

We also need boundaries with ourselves. My boundaries reflect where I’m being honest or dishonest with myself. I didn’t realize how dishonest being unreliable is. We not only have to be reliable with others, we also have to be reliable with ourselves. For example, I need to show up on time for appointments, and I need to be reliable with deadlines. We have to set boundaries for our finances, food we eat, the work we do, etc., or there will be painful consequences. 

Boundaries with ourselves help us stay accountable with our goals and help us eliminate excuses. If we want to make real changes, we have to establish the necessary limits to keep ourselves on track. As Matthew 5:37 says, we have to let our "yes" be "yes" and our "no" be "no."

Reflection:

Where are you taking responsibility in someone else’s life and therefore experiencing conflict?

Identify where you have boundaries and where you have walls around your heart. Determine who you need to forgive, and ask the Lord to heal your heart. 

What are your favorite excuses? Realize that an excuse is the skin of a reason stretched over a lie, and it’s time to get honest if you really want the desires of your heart fulfilled. Leave the excuses behind and establish the boundaries necessary for holding yourself accountable to change.