Triumph Over TraumaShembull

When Despair Clouds Our View of God

When we are in deep despair, we feel totally insignificant and might even question the existence of God. In the situation with John, I fervently prayed after our first meeting and asked God how I could help him discover a meaningful purpose for his life. As I prayed, I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me about asking John to be my “teacher” in helping me better understand his experiences in Iraq and what it is like to live with an unexplainable seizure disorder caused by a TBI. The Holy Spirit seemed to say to me, “Due to your crippling condition and surgeries in your childhood and adolescence, you were denied medical waivers several times when wanting to serve in our armed forces. You are not a Veteran, you’ve not been to Iraq, you do not have a TBI causing an unexplainable seizure disorder, but John does. He can help you better understand.”

I realized what the Holy Spirit wanted me to understand was that instead of trying to come as the chaplain who could minister out of my strength to John, God wanted me to humble myself and raise John to a position where he could be the one with the voice of authority. He could be the one to help me and other team members better understand his condition and experiences. From my own despairing moments, when I was powerless and had no voice over my care … I knew that what John needed was a voice and a purpose. I asked John to be my teacher and encouraged other staff to ask him to teach them as well. Saying to John, “We want to learn from you, help us understand…” gave him a purpose, and gave his life meaning. Empowering John to believe that he had a meaningful purpose in helping all of us (doctors, nurses, social workers, and chaplains) better understand and learn from him … brought hope to his life.

As I patiently sat and genuinely learned from John, he came to realize that God is not an aloof entity. He realized that God is deeply concerned about him and values his life as significant. God does care for each of us personally, and the Bible affirms that God calls us beloved children.

Readings from the Old Testament

We must believe that God is advocating for us.

Job 19:25-27a

When we feel abandoned by God, we need to cry with confidence to God to draw near to us.

Psalm 13

God will never abandon us, nor forsake us.

Psalm 27:1, 4-5, 7-10

Readings from the New Testament

God desires to fill us with joy.

John 17:13

There is nothing that can ever separate us from the unconditional love of God.

Romans 8:18-39

God deeply desires to fill us with hope.

Romans 15:12-13

God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or dream or imagine.

Ephesians 3:14-21

Thoughts for Reflection

1. Draw a picture of where you feel God is in relation to you now. As you are able, share what you would like to change about how close or how distant you feel from God.
2. Write or share of a time when you truly knew that God’s presence was with you in a very dark place of despair.
3. Describe what would make you feel more aware of God’s abiding presence with you.
4. Write or share how God desires to exceed the expectations you have for yourself.

Prayer

Dear Lord, I wonder where you are. Are you there? Are you out there somewhere? And do you care? Do you care for me at all? Do you know my name?

Many times I feel like crying, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why?” Help me to believe that you are not only real, but that you are here for me, and that you really care for me. Help me to feel your loving-care and to believe that you will never leave me, nor forsake me, and will abide with me always.

Be near me, please. Hold me, cradle me, and shelter me. Embrace me for all eternity with your love. In your loving name. Amen.

A Blessing for You

May the LORD bless you and take care of you;
May the LORD be kind and gracious to you;
May the LORD look on you with favor and give you peace.
Numbers 6.24-26

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