Triumph Over TraumaShembull

When We Despair Without Answers

When it seems that there are no rational answers to explain our deepest despair, we don’t want to hear trite explanations. I knew that John in his situation did not want me to give a justifiable response to his question, “So tell me, Chaplain, what is God’s great hope for me?”

My own tragic times of despair have taught me the value of empathetic silence and listening for the unspoken as well as the spoken. Numerous times people would try to encourage me and tell me, “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. So, this will make you such a stronger person.” However, I felt like boiling up with anger and yelling, “I’m strong enough. Just let me die.”

Initially, as I sat with John in his deep despair, my heart’s response was to echo the deep hurt that I was hearing and to provide John with a time for lament. I did not want to be like Job’s “so-called friends” in Scripture who were simply miserable comforters. Giving a person in deep despair the safety and freedom to lament openly can bring tears of healing. The laments we hear in Scripture can also comfort us, because we learn that God desires us to be genuinely honest with our entire range of emotions.

Readings from the Old Testament

We can safely approach God and cry out in anguish for a response.

Psalm 69:13-17

We can be certain like the psalmist that God will answer our heartfelt cries for help.

Psalm 86:1-7

Even when we feel lonely, God will listen to our cries for help.

Psalm 116:1-12

Readings from the New Testament

Jesus assured his followers that our suffering will not last forever.

Luke 6:20-23

In the midst of our despair and hopelessness, God gives us a hope that will give us strength and assurance.

Romans 5:1-5

Just as the apostle Paul was honest about his sufferings and frustrations, we can be honest and forthright about our own struggles.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Thoughts for Reflection

1. Do you believe that you need an answer from God for your own suffering and despair? Write or share why you feel this way.
2. And when you have no answers to your despair, how do you react?
3. What is most comforting for you when you despair without answers?
4. Describe these things. Like the psalmist, write a lament to God in which you cry out your frustrations.

Prayer

Dear Lord, I’m hurting and I’m in deep despair. I feel so hopeless and there are no answers for my heartache. In fact, I do not want answers! I simply want to cry and know you are listening. Even if I do not understand my present situation, I want to believe that you know the pain in my life.

Help me to know that you care and listen to my cries. In your name. Amen.