I Like Her, Now What? A Single Guy’s Guide to the First DateShembull

First Date 

Few things are more terrifying than a first date. On more than one occasion, my fear of what to say led me to prepare a list of questions to ensure we never ran out of things to talk about. Thankfully, I never actually pulled out the list.

While there are clearly some questions you will need to ask your date, you don’t want it to feel like an interview either. Fortunately, there are plenty of things you can learn by being observant. This works both ways. For example, whether or not you show up on time will tell her if you are organized, can be trusted to keep your word, and to what degree you respect her time. In a similar way, you will want to observe:

Her Character
Mark 7:20-23 teaches that our behavior reveals what is stored up in our hearts. Look for someone whose behaviors demonstrate a heart of love and compassion. A good way to do this is to watch how she treats the wait staff. Is she selfless, humble, and self-controlled, or does she seem selfish, proud, and reckless? We all have bad days, but as she talks, look for clues about her character. You are not looking for perfection as much as red flags. Watch out for someone who is comfortable mistreating others or lying.

Her Beliefs
If she is a genuine follower of Christ, her life should reflect it. Look for signs that she is not just a “believer” in Christ, but that she is a follower of Him as well. Regular church or Bible study attendance are good things but can be deceiving. Why she goes is the more important question. To find out, you will likely have to ask her directly. 

Chemistry
While it can be dangerous to put too much of an emphasis on chemistry, it shouldn’t be ignored either. Finding a nice Christian girl won’t be enough. A healthy relationship needs to have a spark too. Can the two of you carry a conversation? Do you find her attractive? Can you laugh together with ease? A desire for purity does not mean your relationship needs to be dull. Make sure there is some chemistry between you.

Don’t worry. You won’t have enough time on your first date to learn everything about her, but that’s okay. She doesn’t have to be perfect, after all, you’re not. If you enjoyed your time and there were no serious red flags, then go ahead and say those 5 magic words, “Can I see you again?”

Pray: Lord, thank You for this chance to care for one of Your daughters. Please help me to see beyond her beauty to her heart. Help me to know if she is the kind of girl You would have me pursue. Give me the humility to listen to the wisdom of others whom I trust. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

For more, read 6 Character Traits to Look for in a Potential Spouse on FamilyLife.com.