Good Grief: Living and Learning Through Loss a 7-Day Plan by Maya J.T. DawsonChikamu

Day 4: Abandoning Bargaining

Bargaining can be defined as negotiating terms to make a deal or an agreement. During the grieving process, we often try to make deals with ourselves or God as if we have the power to change our circumstances. The reality is we have no power. We have no control. Apart from God, we can do nothing.

The art of negotiating is built upon several assumptions, one of which is that both parties are equal or at least stand to gain something from one another. Here’s where the challenge comes in regarding God. God is all-sufficient. He doesn’t need anything from anyone. It’s His love for us that created the desire for Him to want to be in relationship with each of us. Sometimes we mistake God’s loving kindness for neediness and deceive ourselves into thinking we can offer something to the God who owns it all.

We begin creating unrealistic scenarios and making impossible promises to God in hopes that they will bring back those we have lost. We attempt to put ourselves on equal footing with a God who has no equals. We run to pride instead of clinging to humility. Why? Because humility is painful. Humility is uncomfortable. Humility reminds us that we need God, but God doesn’t need us and where does that leave us? It leaves us at His mercy.

When we put aside the illusion of bargaining with an eternal God we are left with the reality that we cannot change the past, or the future for that matter. We have no control over our lives or circumstances. However, the sooner we are willing to acknowledge this truth, the sooner we begin to seek the one who is in control of our lives and circumstances.

Humility keeps us dependent upon God and puts us in a position to receive from God. We’re able to receive His love, His strength, His grace, His peace, His joy, and so much more. We realize that we don’t have to haggle with a God who freely wants to bless us with more than we could ever fathom. God wants more than just to meet us halfway. God has already gone the full distance by reclaiming our lives from the pit of hell and clothing us in righteousness.

Humility brings us to the end of ourselves and reminds us that God is infinitely bigger and greater. We need more of Him to make it through each day and to become like His son Jesus. When we abandon bargaining, we stop negotiating and start kneeling at the feet of the God who owns it all, knows it all, and does it all.

“I know that you can do all things,

And that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’

Therefore, I have uttered what I did not understand,

Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”

Job 42:2-3 (ESV)

“He must increase, I must decrease.”

John 3:30 (ESV)

Some would say I could have been a professional negotiator. I specialize in the art of finding “Win-Win” solutions. I may not be able to make everyone happy or fully meet their expectations, but I strive to at least meet you halfway. This can be considered a good life and even marketplace skill. Unfortunately, this skill does not apply to my relationship with God.

The art of negotiating is built upon several assumptions, one of which is that both parties are equal or at least stand to gain something from one another. Here’s where the challenge comes in regarding God. God is all-sufficient. He doesn’t need anything from anyone. It’s His love for us that created the desire for Him to want to be in a relationship with each of us. Sometimes, we mistake God’s loving kindness for neediness and deceive ourselves into thinking we can offer something to the God who owns it all.

We begin creating unrealistic scenarios and making impossible promises to God in hopes that they will bring back those we have lost. We attempt to put ourselves on equal footing with a God who has no equals. We run to pride instead of clinging to humility. Why? Because humility is painful. Humility is uncomfortable. Humility reminds us that we need God, but God doesn’t need us and where does that leave us? It leaves us at His mercy.

When we put aside the illusion of bargaining with an eternal God, we are left with the reality that we cannot change the past, or the future, for that matter. We have no control over our lives or circumstances. However, the sooner we are willing to acknowledge this truth, the sooner we begin to seek the one who is in control of our lives and circumstances. Will you stop negotiating and start kneeling?