Rooting Out Relationship KillersChikamu

Keep Talking

Silence is the lowest form of communication.

Some would say that to call silence communication is a contradiction in terms. But we all know that in a relationship context, the silence is usually saying something. You know how it goes. The silence is screaming at you, “There is something wrong,” so you ask, “What’s wrong?” only to be told, “Nothing!”

What comes next is where the relationship weed of silence begins to kill the relationship. In the void created by the silence, conspiracy theories are incubated, fear takes root and insecurities deepen. You think you know what’s wrong, but you may not be right and in the silence, your wrong conclusions fester, grow and slowly choke the relationship. That’s why we must never let the weed of silence take root in our relationship soil.

Good communication is a relationship feed that must be added consistently to the soil of your relationships. Communication is the “process of sharing information with another person in such a way that they understand what you are saying”. That process involves speaking, listening, body language, expressions and touch, but always with the aim of being properly understood.

It has been observed that when people communicate there are at least six messages that come through. There is:

1. What you mean to say

2. What you actually say

3. What the other person hears

4. What the other person thinks they hear

5. What the other person says about what you said

6. What you think the other person said about what you said

No wonder we misunderstand each other sometimes! But this shows just how important it is that we work on our communication to ensure it is clear.

To this, add the fact that some of us have simply never learned how to talk or open up to other people. Others are fearful of exposing what they think or feel for fear of being hurt or rejected. Some even have such a low self-image that they don’t believe they have anything to offer, so stay silent.

All this takes work to overcome – the work of feeding your relationship soil with the wonderful nutrient of good communication. Ultimately, your relationship will only ever be as deep as your willingness to communicate with absolute openness.

So, ensure your communication is:

CLEAR: Use clear language; ask questions to clarify things and allow time for each other to process the words spoken. Never use hints, as they are easily misunderstood or missed altogether. Say what you mean and work hard to say it in the way you want it to be received.

CONTROLLED: You will never communicate properly when emotions are out of control. So pick your moment. Create space to talk when you are calm, there is time to explain things properly and when things have less chance of coming across wrongly.

CONSTRUCTIVE: Communicate positively by focusing on the good things about the other person. Don’t focus on the negative qualities but be constructive, even if you are dealing with a negative situation. Your tongue has “the power of life or death” according to Proverbs 18:21, so use it to bring life to your relationships.

Be bold and declare like Isaiah in our reading, “I will not be silent!”