Rooting Out Relationship KillersChikamu

A Healthy Me

Today’s reading emphasizes the fact that we are all in a process of learning, growing and changing. God works with us, like a good father, but we must “make every effort” to ensure we are working through past issues and fully embracing our new life in Christ. And one very important reason for doing this is to enrich our relationships.

We all have mental, emotional, spiritual and relational scars from our life before Christ, whether we like to admit it or not. And we bring any such wounds from the past into every new relationship we start, unless we’ve completed a process of recovery and healing. Left unattended, old hurts, grudges, attitudes and patterns of dealing with certain issues will eventually reappear – just like a little weed – and they will choke the new relationship. It is the weed of past wounds.

If you are determined not to let your past mess up your future, you will get busy and root out this troublesome weed. In addition, because you see a positive future for the relationship, you will also enrich its relational soil with a “feed” designed to keep this weed at bay. That feed is a commitment to personal health and wholeness.

The greatest gift I bring to any relationship is a healthy me, which means understanding what a healthy me looks like and taking steps to become it.

Healthy people…

Are easy to talk to. They don’t bully, threaten or intimidate people. They don’t get defensive, lash out in anger or clam up creating uncomfortable silences.

Are secure. They don’t need constant assurance. They don’t manipulate people emotionally, sexually or financially to get the assurance they crave.

Get help when they need it. They are not too proud to admit they don’t know what to do in a situation or ask for help. They are teachable and wisdom is eagerly sought from those with more experience about their situation.

Respect themselves. They value their God-given abilities, body, personality and make up. They do not harm themselves, damage their bodies or try to escape from themselves through alcohol, drugs or other mind-altering substances. They have learned to love the way God has made them.

Respect others. They don’t demand you become like them, but appreciate your uniqueness and celebrate it. They are happy when you do better than them. They encourage and cheer you on, and take appropriate pleasure in the privilege of being your friend or partner.

Are open. They are not a closed book, hard to understand or emotionally detached from those closest to them. They are open and honest about their mistakes, the lessons they have learned from them, and happy to help others not make the same ones.

Are balanced. They avoid emotional, spiritual and physical extremes because they have learned how to maintain an appropriate friends-family-work-leisure-church-private life balance.

Remember that this is a commitment to work on you - not the other person! Let your attitude be: Because I love you, I will be the best I can for you, and get the help I need when I need it. In this way, you deal with the weed of past wounds and ensure your relationship soil remains healthy.