Spiritual Leadership for Parents Of: Special NeedsChikamu

Forgiveness and Grace

It was about 5 weeks into our new journey when God completely shifted my heart in the areas of grace and forgiveness. Up until that point, I would hear people say the weirdest things every day….things like “I am so sorry,” when meeting our newborn, or in some cases, avoid us altogether. Over time, resentment built up out of the hurt that I felt after these weird comments. Resentment turned into grief, and grief turned into heartache. I was so overwhelmed…

However, when Shelby was 5 weeks old, I decided to go to the store…by myself! It was the first time I had left our little neighborhood since the hospital. I was raw and completely exhausted.

As I cruised through the pretty streets, I felt huge emotions building up inside. I felt I was going to completely explode into tears. I suddenly pulled over and let out one of the loudest, deepest sobs I had released since our beautiful delivery day. I cried hard. I cried long. I cried until I had no more tears left, and then I prayed, no… actually, I begged for God to show me Jesus in all these people. I could not attach to the resentment any longer. I had too much to do. I wanted to love my little family purely, not with resentment and heartache as sidekicks.

I prayed for a long time. I prayed until I felt a beautiful, gentle, peace take over my body. I then took some deep breaths, put the car in drive, and continued my errand. Something felt different. I knew in the depths of my being, that I was different…

Luke 23:34:Then Jesus said, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do."

God was so faithful that day. Gradually my responses changed towards others. When someone would say something hurtful, immediately I would see them through Jesus’ eyes. I began to forgive immediately and extend deep grace. In fact, these moments became deep points of connection. I often received the gift of educating someone which, in turn, would deepen our relationship. If they were strangers at a store, our interaction became a place of connection. I was completely blown away. God carried me on His grace therefore I was able to tap into that grace and extend it to others.

I called out to my heavenly Father, and He was there. I am still in awe about how he shifted perspective for me that day. He has continued to answer prayers throughout our journey. Some look different than we thought, but we always see his grace in the mix. Sweet brothers and sisters, don’t be afraid to go there with God. He can handle it. In fact, He welcomes our questions and thoughts, even our shouts.